“Mature Children”: Children with Internalized Symptoms

Most adults have expectations that their children/students are “mature”. In fact, parents who have more than one child commonly make comparisons that one is “more mature” than the other, even when describing their children. When adults are asked to elaborate on the concept of “maturity” that they want their children to have, they say, “She is calm, respectful, I keep my word, fulfills all her responsibilities, is successful, loves teachers very much, does not cause any difficulties, etc.” We see that definitions such as

Maturity according to TDK; It is not a realistic expectation to expect children to have such an adjective that has such a loaded meaning. Whereas; Childhood is a life period with its own developmental characteristics. For this reason, it is often very difficult for children to bear the weight of the “mature child” labeling attributed by their environment. In its nature; Depriving the child, who wants to run, laugh, explore and wonder, from these rights may bring some psychological difficulties in children/young people. However; When the concept of childhood is assumed to be a “small version of adulthood” and the child is expected to exhibit adult-like behaviors, it becomes more difficult to see the psychological difficulties experienced by the child.

Children who are attributed as mature often have internalized symptoms such as depression, anxiety, unexplained physical symptoms (Tingstedt et al., 2018), feelings of loneliness, and introversion (Hymel et al., 1990). These silent symptoms are more difficult to observe from the outside than externalized symptoms such as attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) that are easily noticed from the outside. For this reason, the rates of admission to the clinic with these complaints are also lower than the rates of admission with externalized symptoms (Akdemir & Çetin, 2008). The incidence of symptoms such as depression and anxiety, which are symptoms internalized by the environment, may also vary according to gender. Studies have shown that girls are more likely to be diagnosed with internalized symptoms such as depression and anxiety than boys (Akdemir & Çetin, 2008; Chaplin & Aldao, 2013). Gender roles imposed on girls and boys by the culture they live in also affect the emergence of internalized symptoms. For example; references such as “girls should be ladylike, hardworking and organized”, which are frequently heard in our society, are a way for a girl to shape her individual interests and orientations according to the expectations of the society; therefore, it may affect him to suppress some of his emotions. Likewise, the social rules that we impose on boys in our society as “men don’t cry” may cause a boy who wants to express his feelings expressively to suppress and internalize his feelings.

When children apply to the clinic with complaints such as stomachache and headache, the fact that the problem is not physiologically based can sometimes surprise families. There is a belief that children labeled as “always the good boy” do not experience any psychological strain. However, the child has so adopted the adjective “well-behaved and mature” from the environment that he even silently experiences the symptoms that make his emotional strain visible: he withdraws, sleeps most of the time, does not express his opinion, does not talk much, and obeys all that is said. Parents do not realize that their children are struggling emotionally until all these silent symptoms accumulate and take on the appearance of physical symptoms as a result of intense anxiety.

So how do we recognize internalized symptoms?

How to Observe Internalized Symptoms at Home

In the developmental process up to adolescence, children generally enjoy playing interactive and interactive games with their families at home. However, if children in this period have internalized emotional difficulties, avoiding spending time together, rejecting, crying often, staying silent and not being able to express their wishes easily, being shy, sleeping too much, being indifferent to activities that can be considered fun for their age, being too attached to the mother and often doing something. They may show symptoms such as fright, fear of participating in new experiences, and often worrying.

When it comes to the adolescence period; Parents may find it difficult to observe the emotional processes of their children in this period, which is developmentally distant from the family and enjoys sharing with their peers outside the home. Most of the time, families come with complaints such as “he doesn’t want to spend time with us, he has gone far away, if there is, he is talking to his friends on the phone”. However, it should not be forgotten that; Increased peer interaction is normal in this process, as long as young people do not have behaviors that harm themselves and their environment, and do not form friendships that may be dangerous. in adolescence; Symptoms such as refrain from communicating with peers, not belonging to a group of friends, indifference in participating in social activities, crying often and not wanting to get out of bed, increased conflicting relationships with family, rejecting these attempts when sharing is desired, and not wanting to talk may indicate internalized symptoms.

How Are Internalized Symptoms Observed at School?

Internalized symptoms in the preschool period are often crying, difficulty being separated from the mother in the first days of school, startle, difficulty in adapting to the new environment and games at school, intolerance to being separated from the teacher, an unhappy facial expression, refusal to eat, difficulty falling asleep during bedtime and/or increased sleep Symptoms such as cravings may be precursors to considering internalized symptoms.

In the period from primary school to adolescence, symptoms such as difficulty in fulfilling the responsibilities given, indifference to activities and lessons at school, not wanting to be involved in games with friends, wanting to spend more individual time, not wanting to go to breaks and often sitting in the classroom, biting nails are signs of internalized symptoms at school. it could be.

In adolescence, the absence of a group of friends at school, a disorganized mind often, inability to focus, avoiding speaking, sleeping frequently in lessons, ignoring the appearance of “sloppy”, an introverted body posture (low shoulders, constantly looking down and an insecure body posture, etc.) .), being often tearful and a desire to be alone, may indicate internalized symptoms that can be observed at school.

Educators and parents should keep in mind that these observations may indicate internalized symptoms. However; it should be known that the symptoms indicating internalized symptoms may differ completely from the symptoms mentioned above; In addition, other symptoms not mentioned above may also be present. If there is a child/young person around you that you think has these symptoms and you do not know how to support these emotional difficulties as an adult, you may consider seeking help from a specialist.

Remember that every emotional charge wants to be seen and heard, although its voice is not easily heard. Just as “every night has a morning, every winter has a spring, a time for everything”, the day will come when emotional difficulties will leave their place to ease. When that “silent child” next to you grows up, what will remain in his mind will be your effort to lighten the load. As long as you are ready to see, hear and share the burden…

With love,

Psk. Aybüke YARDIMCI ARDOR

REFERENCES

Akdemir, D., & Cetin, F. C. (2008). Clinical characteristics of adolescents who applied to the child and adolescent psychiatry department. Journal of Child and Youth Mental Health, 15(1), 5-13.

Chaplin, T. M., & Aldao, A. (2013). Gender differences in emotion expression in children: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 139(4), 735–765. doi:10.1037/a0030737)

Hymel, S., Rubin, K. H., Rowden, L., & LeMare, L. (1990). Children’s peer relationships: longitudinal prediction of internalizing and externalizing problems from middle to late childhood. Child development, 61(6), 2004-2021.

Tingstedt, O., Lindblad, F., Koposov, R., Blatný, M., Hrdlička, M., Stickley, A., & Ruchkin, V. (2018). Somatic symptoms and internalizing problems in urban youth: a cross-cultural comparison of Czech and Russian adolescents. The European Journal of Public Health, 28(3), 480-484.

(https://www.tdk.gov.tr/)