Kids in Adults: Kids Mods

All of us from time to time “I acted like a child”, “I lost myself and I don’t understand how”, “when I remember it now, it was so ridiculous, how did I do it?” We have formed sentences such as: These sentences have a common feature; Emotions are quite intense and logic is quite in the background. So our kid mods! (our sides)

We don’t feel like full grown-ups when we’re in child modes. These modes arise when the person thinks that their needs are not taken into account.

To recognize the child modes in adults, let’s first remember the children around us. You know children; She jumps when she’s happy and cries when she’s sad. Therefore, they experience every emotion intensely and their logical thinking skills are lower. So what if adults act in child modes? They cannot solve problems just like a child and they feel uncomfortable emotions intensely. So by recognizing some of the child modes within adults and where they come from, we can soothe and feel better about our child parts from the healthy adult perspective.

First, let’s remember and send our minds to the past. What would you do when faced with an undesirable situation as a child? Would you cry, yell and get angry, or would you impulsively want what you wanted right away? The way we behave as children may appear as the distinctive child mode in our adult lives.

1-Injured Child Mode

The hurt child mode may emerge in adult life as a result of a childhood that has been abandoned, left out, made to feel worthless and unloved, witnessed the death of relatives, and important emotional needs such as love and trust are not met during childhood and adolescence. The mode that goes along with embarrassment, loneliness, fear, unhappiness and painful emotions as a child is the “hurt child mode”. In adult life, it is manifested by feelings of worthlessness and unloved, lack of trust, and concerns about rejection or abandonment.

How do we know when we’ve entered the hurt child mode? For example, you quickly and intensely felt worthless, insignificant, and rejected when your friend who you invited to the movies stated that they couldn’t come, and you interpreted this as being unwanted by your friend. That’s it, hurt kid mode! While in this mode, you may be tempted to misinterpret the fact that it may be your friend’s work, and misinterpret it as your own worthlessness, by failing to judge reality logically at the moment.

2-Furious Kid Mode

In the center, there are intense emotions such as anger, anger, rage. The person expresses his needs in an inappropriate and uncontrolled way. While anger is a normal emotion, it can be difficult to control anger and be rational when you’re in angry kid mode. Defeating one’s right, feeling unimportant and worthless, etc. As a result of emotions, they may lose control by reacting with intense anger.

3-Impulsive Kids Mode

In the impulsive child mode, the urge to have something or absolutely want to do something is at the forefront. When the person is in the impulsive child mode, he may have difficulty controlling himself, similar to the angry child mode, and succumb to his pleasures and desires. He does not know his limits in terms of responsibility and discipline. For example, the impulsive child in him may cause him to spend more even though he has a lot of debt.

So what are we gonna do?

You must first recognize and name the child modes within you. When you feel intense and uncomfortable emotions, ask, “What mood am I in now, what am I feeling, how is my body, where did I learn these emotions as a child?” You should watch yourself before you react by asking questions such as: Thus, you can learn to control yourself by watching yourself from behind the scenes, away from being a theater actor whose emotions are intensely experienced on stage.

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Ps. Nagihan KUTLU