Uzman Makaleleri

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Domestic Violence

Are you being beaten? Are you scolded? Are you being banned? Are you bothered by your ex? Are you being forced into sexual intercourse or having your money extorted from you? Is your fiancee, spouse, ex-spouse, one of your children, or one of your family or friends responsible for all of this? Then you are exposed to domestic/family violence. Maybe you find yourself guilty and feel insecure and ashamed because it happened to you. However, domestic/family violence should not be and is prohibited. Violence is a crime.

What is Domestic Violence?

What is domestic violence and how is it defined? Those who commit domestic violence usually have the following symptoms.

If he (no matter if male or female),

  • If you are very jealous,
  • If he acts aggressively at first and then sensitively,
  • If he sees you as his property,
  • If he breaks many things at home,
  • If he keeps saying “I won’t do it again, this is the end”
  • If he beats you or says “I’ll beat you now”
  • If he is forcing you to do things you don’t want, this includes forced sexual intercourse,
  • humiliates or humiliates you in front of others,
  • If he’s pressuring you to get your money,
  • If he constantly says “I’m the boss at home” or “whatever I say here”,
  • If he constantly wants to know where you are…

By domestic violence, we understand violence against partners, children and the elderly. Violence can consist of physical violence, sexual abuse and psychological breakdown (threatening, harassing, harassing, financially exploiting). Perpetrators of violence can be partners, ex-partners, family members, relatives and friends who share the same house. The same can be said not only between opposite sexes, but also in same-sex relationships.

Violence occurs everywhere; at home, at work or in public places. All cultures have violence. Domestic violence occurs in every age group, in all classes, among people from occupational groups, at every income level, in villages and cities.

Some of the Types of Violence in Domestic Violence:

Physical violence: Slapping, kicking, laying on the ground and stomping on it, dragging it by the hair, throwing it down the stairs, pouring boiling oil or water on it, etc.

Sexual violence: Forced sexual intercourse, rape, forcibly inserting hard foreign instruments into the woman’s genitals, cutting off her nipples, circumcising the female genitalia, having abortion before she is born when it is learned that the baby in the womb is a girl, kidnapping a girl, forcing her to look at the sexual intercourse performed by others, etc.

Emotional violence: Threatening, humiliating, insulting, confiscating the victim’s own money, destroying or taking away personal documents such as passports or identity cards, deprivation of social life by incarceration, prohibition of telephone. Threatening you and children, destroying valuables, threatening suicide. In addition, humiliating and subordinating the person for unfounded reasons (for example: “You stink”, “you are a thief”), etc.

The combination of the forms of violence that we have gathered under the three headings above is also frequently encountered. All forms of violence are dangerous and victims of violence often leave behind a scar.

Generally, men are the parties who use violence, women and children are the parties who are exposed to violence. However, women can also be victims of violence, just as men can be victims. Research shows that most of the women who are exposed to violence already know the aggressor. Attacker; It could be a friend, a family member (spouse, father-in-law), an acquaintance, neighbor or boss. However, this should not preclude asking for help or making a complaint to the police.

There are many prejudices about violence against women. Unfortunately, these prejudices affect women’s perspectives on violence and their perspectives on themselves.

Common prejudices:

  • “Women want violence themselves”

No one deserves to be abused or raped. Regardless of the way a woman dresses, looks, what her occupation is, how old she is, or where she goes, these damaging and brutal crimes are always committed.

  • “Because men cannot control their sexual desires, they use sexual violence and turn to rape”

If men want, no matter how strong their sexual desires are, they can still keep their sexual desires under control. No desire gives the right to inflict violence on another. Violence does not arise from sexual desires, but often from the desire to control, manipulate, hurt, and humiliate. Most sexual violence occurs not because the person loses control, but because they do it intentionally.

  • “It is acceptable for a man to use violence to keep his family under control”

A man is a normal member of the family. Violence for any reason is unacceptable. Disputes should be resolved through conversation, not violence.

  • “Every family has a problem; this is my destiny, this is how God wants it; That’s what it says in the Qur’an”

You do not suffer violence because of accidental family or destiny. The fact that a woman or a man is a victim of violence is not written anywhere in the Qur’an, and Allah would never want such a thing. Nowhere in the Qur’a it is written that violence can be applied to women, on the contrary, it writes that “a woman should be treated like a very valuable glass that will be broken immediately”.

Effects of Domestic Violence:

Violence; It leaves a huge impact on people. It leaves the exposed people feeling hurt and humiliated. Victims may also experience a sense of bewilderment. Everyone can react differently as a result of violence.

  • The victim feels guilty on the contrary, instead of blaming the aggressor. For example, he thinks, “If I hadn’t done this…he wouldn’t have used violence against me…!”. But no one has the right to inflict violence on another person. The aggressor is always to blame.
  • Some women are ashamed that something like this has happened to them.
  • Again, some women are afraid of the possibility of being exposed to violence again after this violence, going out on the street, being touched, and men.
  • Victims may complain of terrible dreams at night, insomnia, loss of appetite, and they may also feel dirty and sick.

Treatment of Domestic Violence

If you are also exposed to domestic/family violence, it is certainly not an easy thing to share with others. But solving this problem on your own can be very difficult. You may be afraid or embarrassed to talk to someone, perhaps you think you are responsible for this situation. However, you should try to cast off that fear and share it and talk to someone else. This person; It may be someone from your family that you can trust, or someone from your close circle that you believe can understand and listen to you.

You can also get help from a counselor. Talking will help you relax and review what you can do. Deciding what to do is very important, but also very difficult. It may be helpful to talk to a person who has been specially trained on this subject at a theoretical and practical level. This counselor/psychologist will help you understand the possibilities you have.

If your spouse or friend is engaging in aggressive behavior, you can motivate him or her to therapy to change their behavior. It was observed by women that there were changes in the aggressive behavior of the people who participated in these therapies.

At the same time, you can go into therapy together and say “stop” to this violence with your partner.

You should not see violence as a normal situation and you should never accept it. Being dependent on children or financially does not mean that something cannot be done. You can take steps now to stop the violence.

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