I love a lot! I Hate That So Much! “Ambivalence”
“I am not worthy of being loved anyway, no one I care about has valued me as much as I wanted/expected. I’ve never felt fully loved, exactly where I belong. Whenever I gave value in my relationship, the other party always abused it. I loved, I loved without giving up. When I love, I truly love it very much. This being the case, not being able to feel or see the love of the other party for the effort shown to me, or seeing it once and then showing a contradictory attitude drives me crazy. My ears turn red, my face burns so much that I hate it then. I want to feel his love in every period of my life. I’m writing, calling, can’t think of a day without her when she forgets to call me! Let’s end our little discussion then…’
A person experiencing ambivalence can experience such intense and at the same time contradictory emotions. Whenever a person makes being loved a goal, a goal and puts someone else in the center of his life before himself, then he will make great efforts for this goal and his expectation will be just as high. Because he left feeling the feeling of “I can be loved” to someone else’s choice.
When we need external approval to see that we are valuable, important, worthy of being loved, we spend effort until it is approved, and we are wasted in this cause. Whenever the person can say “I am worth being loved, I think and feel it myself before the other party makes me experience it or not” (it is not easy considering that the person has experienced rejection or being unloved, being cheated on in his past life), then the cycle he or she lives will change completely. In other words, if he can create an inner sense of value/competence, he will reflect this on his behavior, feel good and will not waste time in his relationships.
The factors that make it difficult for a person to do this are their past experiences. We study them in therapy. If he did not receive enough support from his family, was ostracized by his friends or could not form strong bonds, this need will be more intense and it will be more difficult for the person to do these things. Creating this inner calmness may seem difficult after the negative experiences and experiences I have mentioned. You may not have the strength, you may have little faith.
Observe your surroundings realistically. A healthy relationship is possible. We just need to change our way of thinking and therefore the way we perceive events and conditions. Because we cannot solve the problem with the perspective that created the problem. If the person’s thought is like this, he can provide it; “From now on, if my perspective will change, if I will feel more competent, valuable and able to put myself at the center of my life, isn’t it worth it?”
I wish you all a good day.
Uzman Bilgisi
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Is There Such a Thing as Coronaphobia, or Not!
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What is Stress? Symptoms and Treatment Methods of Stress
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Empathy: The Art of Understanding Others and Establishing Empathic Connection
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Depression and Work Performance: How to Cope with Depression in the Workplace?
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Trauma: Is it Possible to Erase Painful Memories?
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What is Depression and Understanding Someone with Depression
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Gambling Addiction and Its Treatment
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What is Smiling Depression?
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Autism And Asperger’s Syndrome
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Winter Depression
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Childhood Masturbation
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Study
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Growing by Playing – I Played, I Play, I Will Play!
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Online Classroom Kids
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Don’t Deliver Bad News
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Meditation and Mental Peace: Methods to Calm and Focus the Mind
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Healing with Art
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Anxiety in Children
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Stop Rumination!
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Why Is Life After Trauma Divided Into Before And After?
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Why Always the Same Scenario, Always the Same Ending?
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The Classic End of Relationships
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Mood Disorders
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Trauma Body
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Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
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Auxiliary Element of Psychotherapy: Psychological Tests
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Effect of Divorce on Children
The process of divorce can show different psychological effects on children. The severity of these effects varies according to the age of the child, the way the child is informed about this issue, the communication within the family, the attitude of the parents, the mental state of the parents, the quality time spent with the …
What is Schizoid Personality Disorder?
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Being a Mother
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The Relationship between Sleep and Mental Health: The Importance of a Good Night’s Sleep
Sleep is among the basic physiological needs of living things. The purpose of sleep is to allow the body to rest and renew its energy. Sleep has an important role for the continuation of human life in a healthy way both physically and mentally. A quality night’s sleep helps to regulate the hormonal balance that …
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Fear, anxiety, stress and tension are emotions that everyone experiences. Fear is a normal reaction to the threat of danger. Fear has the function of warning and protecting us in real danger. Sometimes fears can also be present in safe situations. Fear is of no use in this situation. When these fears are intense and …
What is Social Phobia?
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Domestic Violence
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Othello Syndrome
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Eating Problem in Children
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The Suffering of Love
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Advice for Those with Dental Chair Phobia
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What is Sabotage in Romantic Relationships?
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Why Do We Repeat Our Past Relationships?
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What Is Self Compassion and What Is It Not?
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What is a lack of self-confidence and how does it occur?
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Reflections of the Phenomenon of Racism to Today: The New Racism
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The Balance of Screen Addiction and Online Education in Children During the Pandemic Process
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Suggestions for Students with Exam Anxiety
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Obsession – Compulsive Disorder What is “OCD”?
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Perfectionism, “All or Nothing”
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How Does Childhood Attachment Affect Adulthood?
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What is Borderline Personality Disorder?
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When Should I Go to a Psychologist?
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Our Child Brides Who Have Their Lives Taken From Their Hands
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Children Are Afraid Adults Too
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A sense of belonging, ownership
The morning sun radiates light and sweet warmth with its rise. This light and warmth makes us watch the emergence of a magnificent work by fusing all the beauty of nature with each other. Nature moves in harmony with all its colors, no color excludes the other. They are all there to make each other …
Who is a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist?
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The Forbidden Apple and Cognitive Evolution
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What is Vaginismus? What is not?
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Species Happiness is Possible in Partnership
Consciousness: Consciousness is the awareness of oneself, of one’s experiences, of his environment, of other people, and of the universe in which he lives as a whole. So, as ‘conscious’ individuals, are we really aware of ourselves, our environment and the universe we live in? If our sun were the size of the dot at …
Panic Attack
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Approach to a Child with Autism
Autism is a developmental disorder that presents with findings such as limitation in social interaction, significant delay in communication level, limitation in interests and repetitive behaviors in children. This disorder usually begins to show signs before the 36th month, and it is 4 times more common in boys than girls. While the incidence of the …
An Unhappy Child Who Never Grows Up: Peter Sellers
From the moment we enter the movie theater, we step into a new world in the magical atmosphere of 7th art. At the door of the hall, the fights of daily life are left behind and we find ourselves in completely different lives from the moment the movie starts. We can be rich, poor, full …
What is Depression? What are the symptoms? How is the treatment?
The term ‘depression’ is one of the most used medical terms in daily life, for this reason; It has been the subject of many misunderstandings and misconceptions. It is highly probable that almost everyone will hear the phrase ‘I am depressed these days’ from their mouths at some point in their lives. So, is every …
Depression May Not Come With Drums
Depression’s low mood, reluctance, not enjoying life, introversion, crying, irritability can often be easily noticed and may lead you to consult a psychiatrist with the thought of “Am I getting depressed?” However, depressive illnesses may not always begin to manifest itself by playing the drums and horns. That is to say, depression is actually a …
The Hate Diary of a Psychiatrist
The sickly color of the city turned pale and reduced the will to live in people. In fact, outsiders say that the gloomy weather suits this city very well. For those who live here, it doesn’t really matter. They spend the day in the evening without complaining about each other’s same lives every day. My …
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Psychotherapy; It is the general name of the techniques that aim to solve the cognitive, emotional and behavioral problems of individuals through verbal interviews with a trained professional and to protect and improve the mental health of individuals. Throughout the history of psychiatry, different types of psychotherapy have been developed in various periods, shaped according …
The Psychology of Attachment “I Can’t Live Without You”
I can’t live without him, we complement each other, I’m incomplete without him, I can’t imagine a world without him… These expressions, which we all hear or say personally in our daily life, may not be so innocent after all. Ranging from ‘I’m nothing without you’ to ‘it’s mine or the black soil’, these sentences …
Role Distribution in Life: Unloved
There are children who are not accepted, loved, and rejected by their mothers. They climb to their mothers, to love me, take care of me, take care of me. The more she climbs, the more the mother pushes, the more the mother pushes, the more the child clings to the mother. These kids cry for …
Attitudes of Parents in University Exams
University exams have increasingly become the nightmare of both young people and parents in our country. Many people who put all their hopes into these exams go into a serious stress environment before and after the exam. They are right. So it’s not an unwarranted stress. Children flock to psychiatrists at exam time. They have …
Mental Problems Disrupt Our Physical Health
Studies by scientists say that mental problems and related problems can lead to serious diseases in the body after a while. Examining the timing and course of certain diseases shows how connected we are to the people in our lives and how much we are affected by these relationships. The frictions, turmoil and disappointments experienced …
So Was It Time to Die?
I always thought of our country as one big family. Not every country is a family, but our country has always been a big family since the establishment of the Republic of Turkey. Although the population of this family increased very rapidly, new brides and grooms entered the family, some of them were our own …
People of a Huge Country Looking for Himself
I’ve been a curious person for as long as I can remember. I was like that in my childhood. I will never forget the day I started school. My mother had tied white ribbons to my braided hair hanging from both sides. It was as if I was knocking on the door of the world …
Loving Yourself
It is actually very difficult for a person to love and like himself because the beast inside us is insatiable. If we do three, he’ll want five more. Such is the nature of man, but if it were not so, we would all sit hand in hand. Nature probably knows these things better than any …
Betrayal
Betrayal is perhaps one of the greatest pains that human beings can experience in the world. Even poets, in poems and songs, are angry if you compare separation and betrayal with death, and they say that betrayal always hurts a person even more than death. Because in betrayal, there are infuriating and hurtful meanings such …
Always the Same Role
Our role in life begins the moment we are born. This first role, given to us by our mothers, fathers or very close relatives, sticks to us so much that we never leave that role as long as we live, even if the movies change or the scenarios are written differently. Then we call it …
Marriage, Middle Age, Lie
Usually all men are afraid before marriage. They flee as the prey flees the predator. They are afraid of being caught by the hunter. For a while, they see girls as husband hunters. They do not have such fears at a young age, long before the age of marriage. Then there is only love for …
Reflections of the Economic Crisis on the Human Spirit
The people of our country have been living with crises for years. I mean, it never even came out. Economic crises that occur every 8-10 years, natural disasters, terrorism, emerging corruption and wars surrounding our country… All these strengthen our people against all kinds of crises and increase their ability to stand under all conditions, …
A Mobbing Tragedy
The meaning of mobbing can be defined as psychological violence, pressure or harassment. Especially in places where there is a hierarchical structure, it is the powerful oppressing the underdogs or harassing them in various ways. This harassment can sometimes be done by using social and psychological pressure methods, and sometimes it can be in the …
Trauma-Associated Disorders
Trauma, in its most general definition, is a state of discomfort resulting from an unusual experience that has a lasting effect on the individual’s mental state and personality. It is possible to examine traumas in 2 types as short-term and permanent traumas. While short-term traumas occur as a result of sudden and non-continuous events such …
Drug Uses in Psychiatry
We can say that there is an extreme tendency towards medical drugs in our society. Most of the time, it is common to use medication based on the symptoms that occur in the body, even if it is not prescribed by a doctor. In cases such as a small cough, fever or headache, we resort …
Our Most “Popular” Schemes
The emotional needs of individuals that are not met, especially in childhood, play a role in the formation of certain schemas. Emotional deprivation: It results from the emotional neglect of a child’s primary caregiver, most often the mother. The idea that “I will never be loved enough” prevails. These people, knowingly or unknowingly, put emotional …
The Importance of Peer Relationships in Children
In early childhood, babies begin to show a marked interest in all other children. However, since the social skills necessary to play with other children are not yet fully developed, the first types of play are the ones they play alone. After a while, they start to play side-by-side games with their peers around the …
Divorce: A Psychological Perspective
One of the most common issues that parents want to receive counseling or therapy services for their children is the divorce process. Divorce, which is an undesirable situation in parental relations, can lead to different effects for each family structure. Depending on the attitudes and behaviors of the parents, it can be considered normal, on …
Deception And Abandonment
In my first years of working as a cheating and abandonment psychiatrist, that is, 25-30 years ago (in fact, I don’t like talking about such huge numbers when talking about past years, but unfortunately this is the truth) I only listened to women who were cheated on. These were women stabbed in the chest, that’s …
Our Current Psychology Publications
Is There Such a Thing as Coronaphobia, or Not!
“What if I’ve contracted the virus?” “What if I’m asymptomatic and pass it on to someone?” …
What is Stress? Symptoms and Treatment Methods of Stress
Stress, the natural reaction of the body during any moment of danger that requires adaptation or response, can be triggered …
Empathy: The Art of Understanding Others and Establishing Empathic Connection
The term “empathy” is briefly mentioned as “duygudaşlık” on the Turkish Language Association’s …
The Sense of Emotional Neglect
Emptiness The traumas individuals experience during childhood can leave profound marks on their lives. Neglect and abuse …
Healthy Communication in Marriage
Effective Ways to Solve Problems in Marriage – How Should Healthy Arguments Be? Marriage is the union of two individuals …
Bedwetting (Enuresis)
The term enuresis comes from the Greek word “enourein,” which means “to urinate.” Today, enuresis …
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in Children
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in children is characterized by the constant and often prolonged repetition of certain …
Fear, Anxiety, and Children
Fear, Anxiety, and Children Many children experience fear and anxiety as a normal part of their development. They exhibit …
Neurodevelopmental Disorders
Neurodevelopmental disorders encompass a group of differences and disorders that affect the development of the nervous system, …
