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The Effects of Parental Attitudes on Our Present Adulthood

Based on the cases I have encountered as an adult psychologist, I can say that; It is a subject that is frequently asked, trivialized, and can lead to significant changes if noticed.

Let me explain with examples:

If parents are overly controlling about their children’s body sensations and choices; Let’s say the child is not hungry at that meal and does not want to eat. Although it is healthy, it can cause eating disorders if the child’s body sensations are not trusted due to the family’s anxiety and they are forced to eat. In the future, when his wife or someone else is confused about what to wear and what to wear, the child, who is constantly entered into his own space and is not given a choice, in his adulthood, these are completely normal and he may be easily exposed to psychological violence and may not even realize it.

One of the reasons for not saying no, which does not necessarily cause major pathologies, is that the child is not given the opportunity to say no at all. Thus, he can behave submissively against the negative attitudes of other people and make himself or herself use even his body while trying to please people in order to be accepted.

If their parents are constantly arguing, fighting, and if there is no peace at home, they do not leave because the children cannot bear it; Even if we are unhappy in romantic relationships, even if we experience violence, it can cause them to receive the message that we can’t change it, and therefore to believe that I am helpless. In this way, even if children make the wrong choice in adulthood, they try to continue this. They even offer many compelling reasons to make it plausible. They can be imprisoned with many self-sabotaging negative thoughts such as “If I leave, I can’t find a new person, I put a lot of effort into this relationship, the newcomer may be worse than this person, and they look for those who come and go, I can’t tolerate separation”. They see their problem-solving ways as weak and the event big, or they overestimate the disadvantages of the positive decision they will choose and think that they will not be able to cope.

For a child with an extreme perfectionist family, if it is more important to be first in his classes than himself, the situation that we call unconditional acceptance, that he has to fulfill a condition in order to be loved, is such a bad and hurtful situation. the fact that love is given to you only on one condition.. You will be loved only if you are successful (!). Then the child’s self-esteem drops, causing the belief that “I am not loved”. They make unnecessary sacrifices to be accepted, they may become overly attached to the first person who accepts them because they do not believe they will be loved, or they make great sacrifices to be loved.

The bad news: Many people start out with the preliminary foundation left by the family life they have lived so far in their lives. The good news is that he can first “recognize” them, then ask for change and create a new “me” step by step.

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