The emotional needs of individuals that are not met, especially in childhood, play a role in the formation of certain schemas.
Emotional deprivation:
It results from the emotional neglect of a child’s primary caregiver, most often the mother. The idea that “I will never be loved enough” prevails. These people, knowingly or unknowingly, put emotional pressure on those people in order to be loved and valued by others. When this pressure disturbs the other person and brings them to the point of giving up on the relationship, the thoughts that I will never be happy are reinforced. This is what we might call a self-fulfilling prophecy.
abandonment:
When a child has a particularly troubled parent relationship; It is a schema that is frequently seen in children of families who cannot establish a commitment due to reasons such as divorce, leaving parents, parents away from home, loss, fighting parents, domestic violence. These people unconsciously start their relationship with the perception that “it will end one day anyway, one day he will leave”. They become overly attached to the people with whom they have an emotional relationship, pretending that there is no possibility of abandonment, and actually create environments suitable for abandonment. For example, a person whose partner does not answer their phone calls may hurt their partner by displaying extremely angry and impulsive behaviors, thinking that they have been cheated on.
submissiveness:
It is a common schema in children growing up with authoritarian, oppressive, punishing, decision-making parents. They think that they have to put the feelings, thoughts and needs of others before their own. They have poor ability to say no. These individuals have 3 different reaction mechanisms.
The surrender response is geared towards submission and surrender, especially by relating to authoritarian people. These people often use the answer “it doesn’t matter” in their interpersonal conversations.
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The avoidance reaction means that the individual avoids expressing his own opinion if the other person has a different opinion, and his expressions are limited.
The overcompensation response is the opposite of the delivery response. They pointlessly and irrationally go against the ideas of others. It can also be called a denial mechanism.
Sacrifice yourself:
The schema of self-sacrifice (superman) is like subjugation. The difference between them comes from self-sacrifice. The individual acts by thinking that the other person will be upset if he does not meet the needs of the other person. It is a more reasonable option to feel sorry for him instead. In general, the eldest children of the house, the children who take responsibility, the children whose mother is sick and go from the childhood role to the mother role are prone to the self-sacrifice scheme. In this scheme, we can talk about a hidden narcissism, a mentality such as “I am strong, but I can do it well”. Individuals with the self-sacrifice schema, which is frequently seen in Turkish society, especially in mothers, have the behavior of giving without any response as a response response. They have a deep fear of being selfish and their giving behavior is often exaggerated.
Imperfection:
It is a schema often developed by the children of parents who criticize and judge. They think that they are deficient and inadequate in many aspects. Whatever they did did not benefit their parents. These individuals unconsciously and constantly try to prove themselves to critical people. They aim to look perfect. They do not realize that by criticizing others, they are actually criticizing their own faults. They often put people who accept themselves as they are, that is, non-critical and non-judgmental. Thus, the schemas of imperfection continue to consolidate.
Righteousness/Grandism:
It is a scheme developed by children who are given everything unlimitedly by their parents, who are given whatever they want, or by individuals who were neglected/exploited in early childhood. Individuals think that they have the right to do anything to anyone who stands in their way in a social structure. As a surrender response, they take all rights when their benefactors oppose them. In the overcompensated response, the opposite is the case, they tend to be overindulgent towards others. In some cases, they show avoidance behavior instead of being unfair.
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Psk. Deniz TAN KUMCUOĞLU