In my first years of working as a cheating and abandonment psychiatrist, that is, 25-30 years ago (in fact, I don’t like talking about such huge numbers when talking about past years, but unfortunately this is the truth) I only listened to women who were cheated on. These were women stabbed in the chest, that’s how they felt, crying for a long time in my room at the clinic. These women made me feel that the effect of deception on people is worse than death, starting from those times.
The thing that caught my attention most in such stories was that these women, who were cheated on by their husbands, thought that “everybody does it, but my wife never does”. This thought was not only theirs, their close circles also thought so. But one day, it was a complete shock when the bitter truth suddenly came to light, and besides, it was clear that these men had a long-lasting love affair, that their relationship was not new at all.
These women, who have not made any sacrifices for their husbands for years, are very fond of their homes and children, when they realize what kind of betrayal they have been subjected to, they are struck by their brains, they cannot come to their senses for a long time and naturally they cannot act rationally.
Some of the cheating men, on the other hand, apologize after apology when this incident was revealed, they tried every way to make themselves forgiven, but meanwhile, they could not give up on their wives and lovers. Some men, on the other hand, denied the incident despite all kinds of evidence and tried to convince their wives of their innocence. The most painful thing was those who could not stand the anger of their spouses and went for divorce immediately, perhaps using this as an excuse.
After all these years, both being cheated on and being dumped drive women crazy, make them do things they would never do, and in order to take revenge on their husbands, these women actually sacrificed their own lives for this cause once again.
In the following years, the scenario began to change. Now cheated husbands are starting to come to me. Now there is complete equality in this regard, that is, both women cheat and men both cheat. Okay but why? In fact, in recent years, especially in big cities, people are marrying the people they choose, and since most women have a job, they are not condemned to men.
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But still, both in our country and especially in developed Western Countries, while people are getting divorced quickly, on the other hand, married people continue to cheat on each other. So we have to accept the fact that cheating has become a part of our lives all over the world.
Why Do Man Cheat?
Men are structurally freer beings. The responsibilities brought by marriage, work, power, children, families and the problems they bring arouse a sense of captivity, an unwanted dependency in their souls after a while, and some of them look for ways to get rid of this chain and to be free. Moreover, having a relationship with other women despite being married is not seen as something to be condemned, especially in Eastern Societies, and even the event is tried to be minimized by saying “the dirt on a man’s hand”.
Freedom is often hidden within social prohibitions. Maybe sex with another woman who doesn’t have their husband’s nails makes them feel free. While feeling guilty about such relationships, they either buy their spouses plenty of gifts to compensate for this dominant feeling, or treat them worse than usual, and even vomit anger. Because even if they know that they are wrong in committing this crime, they hold their spouses responsible and try to comfort themselves by using small incidents as an excuse. After a while, feelings become licking and cheating becomes a daily habit for such men. If they can’t find a way to cheat on their wives anymore, and they can’t get young women to bed, trouble begins.
It is not the same for all men. Some man’s nature is not suited to cheating on his partner. He considers cheating a vice in himself and does not cheat on his wife, no matter what happens. These men still exist, albeit very extinct.
Some men don’t do it just to relax or feel a little free. Falls in love. Its main purpose is not to betray the marital relationship that has been worn out over the years. If he’s strong enough, he’ll explain it himself, but an addicted man falls in love, denies it, and wastes himself and these two women at the same time. The result is a triple unhappiness.
Why Do Woman Cheat?
Women often behave very differently from men when it comes to cheating. The thought of putting a man to bed is generally not uncommon in married women. Their concern is to establish an emotional relationship. Women want to be loved, loved, admired and valued. Especially women who cannot find such satisfactions in their spouses, who cannot feel loved and cared for, and who suffer from emotional hunger, betray. In addition, they do not get carried away, do not change partners easily, and no matter what they go through, they always feel the pain of being the cheater in their hearts. In fact, this sense of guilt is sometimes so intense that they almost betray themselves, just like the murderer’s arrival at the crime scene, and thus they pursue punishment.
What Should the Deceived Person Do?
Although deception pierces one’s heart like a dagger, the event should always be approached calmly. What happened should not be shared with relatives, but with a psychologist who can approach the event impartially, and decisions on the subject should not be taken immediately. In the therapy sessions, intense emotional reactions to the event should be discharged first, then a detailed study should be made on the reasons for what happened, and the final decision should be made only after that, because the decisions taken with the pain of betrayal usually punish the person who has been betrayed even though they are aimed at punishing the other party.
In addition, people who have been betrayed should not consider such events as humiliation, dislike or rejection, they should try to increase their awareness here, as in everything else in life, and seek ways to improve and not be deceived again, even in this painful event.
Is It Possible Not To Be Deceived?
If the other party has a tendency to cheat due to different psychological problems, it is not possible not to be cheated on, but care should be taken in premarital friendships and even minor incidents should be taken seriously because if a person does something once, it is very likely that he will do it again.
However, there are some important points that people should pay attention to in this regard. First of all, whether it is friendship or marriage, people should always take care of their relations with the other party, take into account the feelings and needs of the other party as well as themselves, not give too much, try not to lose their respect for themselves and the other party, and hold their heads high no matter what. Great sacrifices made for the sake of the relationship are always very dangerous. Instead of always giving and always being right, I suggest you share life because if the right one had won, we would be living in a very different world today. There is no law of right or wrong in nature, there are winners and losers. Hope you can be the winner.