University exams have increasingly become the nightmare of both young people and parents in our country. Many people who put all their hopes into these exams go into a serious stress environment before and after the exam. They are right. So it’s not an unwarranted stress. Children flock to psychiatrists at exam time. They have hope, but they lack confidence. At the same time, parents also apply to us. They look for ways to be more helpful to their children.
Being a parent is a tough job. Good parents are always there for their children. On good days, on bad days. Again, good parents try to get to know their children. They know their personality structures, weaknesses, mental capacities, strengths, weaknesses, fears, hopes. They do not judge them immediately, they do not punish them, they do not end every word by giving advice. They understand that their children are different people from them, they try to understand what the children want instead of realizing their own hopes in them. Instead of constantly telling young people to “work”, they prefer to talk to them, and more often to listen. They know that the main thing is to accept them with their successes and failures, and they do not spare their love and compassion.
Every child who takes that exam wants to be successful. However, some are determined to succeed, some simply want and have neither the strength nor the motivation to do so. While you cannot remove some from the beginning of the lesson, you cannot seat others.
Not every student who works hard can pass the exam. It is not certain that those who do not work hard will not be successful. What a student learns in an hour, another student can learn in ten hours. Parents don’t know this. According to them, all children are smart, talented, the whole problem is not working hard enough.
Parents often want highly successful children who obey them, do whatever they say, don’t rebel, and are hardworking. They accept course success as life success… However, they are two different things. In order for people to be successful in life, they must first be social, sociable, talkative, secure, hopeful for the future, not running away from obstacles, not afraid to struggle with them, and who know how to cry or laugh when necessary, win or be defeated. The most important thing is that person’s hopes. Because people exist as long as they have hope.
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Here, parents should not break these hopes in their children, on the contrary, they should raise them as much as possible. The whole life of the child, his future, should not be measured by his success in this exam. Especially considering the conditions of our country, parents know better than their children that this is not the case.
Millions of young people take this exam every year. Even a fifth of them cannot get into the university they want. Not all of them graduate. Many graduates cannot find a job they want. In other words, winning or failing this exam is not the end of everything. It would be beneficial for parents to know this fact. Because young people who do not know life well enough can fall into this mistake.
If we want our children to be more successful, happier and hopeful young people, we should always support them, show a smiling face and compassion, talk to them frequently, talk about different subjects and laugh with them, not only during exam periods. Laughing is the closest, highest quality and emotional form of relationship that can be established between two people. If a teenager can laugh at the same things as his parents, it means that there is a complete division between them.
The thing that disturbs our children the most and keeps them away from us is the advice and criticism given to them. Parents should not forget that they were uncomfortable with the same things in their youth and childhood. We can tell our children about our youth and childhood memories and share these memories with them. However, we should not set ourselves or others as an example to our children.
What we expect from our children also plays an important role in their development. Expectations that are too high to reach put them in trouble. It undermines their sense of trust. Conversely, belittlement, humiliation, and distrust of them have similar results. Such young people not only fail, they carry the unhappiness that comes with being defeated for a lifetime.
What kind of environment and what kind of parents a young person is brought up in leaves deep traces in their destiny. A person learns to love as he is loved, to count as he is counted, to beat as he is beaten, to break as he is broken. That is why we should treat our children as we would like them to be in the future. Let’s not wait for happy children to emerge from unhappy environments. Success, failure, happiness and unhappiness are feelings learned by trying at a young age. And in the future, we pursue the emotions we learn best from.
There are always reasons to be happy and reasons to be unhappy. The question is which one to call.