Psy. Pelin KAYMAN

Rumination: It is mental occupation with negative content. In psychiatry, rumination is known as mental rumination: It is the repetitive and rigid repetition of negative thoughts in the mind without change. “These events always find me, why did they do this to me, what did I do to deserve this,” pondering over the cause of the event, the occurrence of the event coming to mind many times, self-blaming thoughts about the event are examples of ruminative thoughts. As a result of the ruminative way of thinking, people’s thoughts go into a negative mood and they say, why did it take so long for them to be in this negative mood, and they don’t try any way to find a solution and enlarge the process in their eyes. This situation causes them to feel hopeless and helpless about the future, and these are the underlying conditions of Depression. Instead of looking at the event from a different perspective, evaluating and producing solutions, people constantly focus on negative thoughts and turn the same event in their minds.

Rumination takes the person away from anything that encourages them to do nothing, to solve the problem.

In the minds of individuals who have excessive thinking problems, the causes, consequences, and effects of the upsetting events that harm them are constantly revolving, and instead of producing a solution for this situation, the person continues to do nothing – inactivity in thought. Rumination is not a necessity to take action and take responsibility, but to give up. Thinking over and over again about the possible cause and effect of the situation, without taking action to solve the problems by dwelling on the past, turns into a disorder and reduces the quality of life of the person.

With ruminative thinking, the person becomes so preoccupied with the problem that he cannot use his healthy problem-solving abilities. This is quite stressful. Rumination is mostly done by Depression patients, Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder patients. This negative thinking strategy of the patients causes the severity of the symptoms to increase and the disorder to become chronic because this thinking strategy; It causes people to over-generalize the negative events they have experienced, to see the situation they are in more negatively than they are, and to be more pessimistic. Rumination prevents the correct evaluation of events because the person has focused his point of view on the part he has fixed so that he cannot see any result from the event other than what he thinks. When ruminative people evaluate their lives, they bring negative memories to their minds more frequently, think that the majority of their lives are filled with negative events, and they use pessimistic and distorted interpretations such as underestimating their successes and generalizing their mistakes.

So How Can We Cope With Rumination?

Recognize your wrong thinking habits and focus and “become aware” when negative thoughts come to life in your mind. When you notice, you can change the content of the thought and change the focus. Additionally, review the values ​​you attribute to events. Recognize and avoid situations that trigger negative thoughts. For example, if a sad song makes you ruminate, listen to upbeat songs.

Of course, other than that: Problem solving skills should be learned, the focus of thought should be changed, we should be able to look at the event from different angles and make positive inferences. It should be accepted that no situation related to the event or thought will remain the same, the effects of the problem should be minimized, and most importantly, one should learn to “stay in the moment”. They should receive social support and be as physically active as possible.

If the person cannot do these things or if unhappiness continues despite thinking that he has done them, then he is stuck in these steps or the underlying basic belief is that cognitive errors should be intervened.

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Psk. Pelin KAYMAN

People who have been traumatized have been faced with a situation that has challenged their capacity to produce solutions until now, in a way they have never encountered before, and that shakes their selves. That’s why for them, life is divided into pre-traumatic and post-traumatic.

The stress hormone of people who have experienced severe trauma ((torture, neglect, abuse, rape, etc.) does not return to normal level by continuing to be secreted even after a long time. Normally, our stress hormone is secreted too much to ignite the fight-and-flight response in case of danger, and then it returns us to the balance we call homeostasis. When PTSD occurs, the stress hormone continues to be secreted even after the danger has passed, and the state of arousal continues. After the trauma, many people are trapped in the fear they know instead of trying new options.

What is the Biology of Trauma?

It is the amygdala part of our brain that decides whether a sound, a noise, or a smell is a threat. When the amygdala perceives the stimulus as a threat, it goes into an alarm state. Stress hormones fire, blood pressure speeds up the heartbeat and increases oxygen uptake. In a split second, it prepares the body for a fight-flight response and takes action, or if the person is horrified, they freeze.

After the trauma, why do clients have difficulty in describing this event?

Because the blood flow to Broca’s area, which is the speech center of the brain, is cut off, just like in patients with paralysis. Because even when the memory comes to their minds years later, they feel the body sensations of the moment they experienced the trauma. To be imprisoned in that moment is to be imprisoned in all these body sensations. Even if the person can start to tell about the trauma even if it is difficult, due to the nature of the trauma, he cannot describe it with a wholeness that has a beginning, a middle and an end, like positive memories.

So what do we do as EMDR Therapists?

We enable them to make sense of these unprocessed parts of the trauma in a holistic way. There are bodily sensations such as sound, smell, and disjointed images in the memory, and these are the unprocessed parts of the trauma that are trapped in the body independent of the memory. By detecting the body sensations that trigger the client, we depersonalize them in a controlled manner with eye movements. Unprocessed memories evoke reactions similar to the moment of trauma in daily life. When these stimuli are perceived, the situation we call flashback (unwanted memory comes to mind) occurs and causes the person to be unable to do whatever they are doing at that moment and not be able to adapt to daily tasks. After the EMDR method, people can continue their daily lives as they become desensitized to the memory.

How soon after trauma should a specialist be consulted?

According to the EMDR school, there is no need for a period of 1 month, unlike other schools, and EMDR therapy can be taken for recent trauma. In this way, we support the client to make sense of the event, to realize that the reactions given are normal reactions, and to overcome the trauma process in a healthy way. I can give an example of how to get through this healthy way. In some traumas, the person feels guilty because he cannot change the course of the event or wants to harm himself or others because he cannot react. In such cases, we intervene in the places where the client is stuck. Therefore, if you or your loved one has been traumatized and it seems that he cannot adapt to his daily life, it is absolutely necessary to seek expert help. This will bring about big change.

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Psk. Pelin Kayman

Based on the cases I have encountered as an adult psychologist, I can say that; It is a subject that is frequently asked, trivialized, and can lead to significant changes if noticed.

Let me explain with examples:

If parents are overly controlling about their children’s body sensations and choices; Let’s say the child is not hungry at that meal and does not want to eat. Although it is healthy, it can cause eating disorders if the child’s body sensations are not trusted due to the family’s anxiety and they are forced to eat. In the future, when his wife or someone else is confused about what to wear and what to wear, the child, who is constantly entered into his own space and is not given a choice, in his adulthood, these are completely normal and he may be easily exposed to psychological violence and may not even realize it.

One of the reasons for not saying no, which does not necessarily cause major pathologies, is that the child is not given the opportunity to say no at all. Thus, he can behave submissively against the negative attitudes of other people and make himself or herself use even his body while trying to please people in order to be accepted.

If their parents are constantly arguing, fighting, and if there is no peace at home, they do not leave because the children cannot bear it; Even if we are unhappy in romantic relationships, even if we experience violence, it can cause them to receive the message that we can’t change it, and therefore to believe that I am helpless. In this way, even if children make the wrong choice in adulthood, they try to continue this. They even offer many compelling reasons to make it plausible. They can be imprisoned with many self-sabotaging negative thoughts such as “If I leave, I can’t find a new person, I put a lot of effort into this relationship, the newcomer may be worse than this person, and they look for those who come and go, I can’t tolerate separation”. They see their problem-solving ways as weak and the event big, or they overestimate the disadvantages of the positive decision they will choose and think that they will not be able to cope.

For a child with an extreme perfectionist family, if it is more important to be first in his classes than himself, the situation that we call unconditional acceptance, that he has to fulfill a condition in order to be loved, is such a bad and hurtful situation. the fact that love is given to you only on one condition.. You will be loved only if you are successful (!). Then the child’s self-esteem drops, causing the belief that “I am not loved”. They make unnecessary sacrifices to be accepted, they may become overly attached to the first person who accepts them because they do not believe they will be loved, or they make great sacrifices to be loved.

The bad news: Many people start out with the preliminary foundation left by the family life they have lived so far in their lives. The good news is that he can first “recognize” them, then ask for change and create a new “me” step by step.

“I am not worthy of being loved anyway, no one I care about has valued me as much as I wanted/expected. I’ve never felt fully loved, exactly where I belong. Whenever I gave value in my relationship, the other party always abused it. I loved, I loved without giving up. When I love, I truly love it very much. This being the case, not being able to feel or see the love of the other party for the effort shown to me, or seeing it once and then showing a contradictory attitude drives me crazy. My ears turn red, my face burns so much that I hate it then. I want to feel his love in every period of my life. I’m writing, calling, can’t think of a day without her when she forgets to call me! Let’s end our little discussion then…’

A person experiencing ambivalence can experience such intense and at the same time contradictory emotions. Whenever a person makes being loved a goal, a goal and puts someone else in the center of his life before himself, then he will make great efforts for this goal and his expectation will be just as high. Because he left feeling the feeling of “I can be loved” to someone else’s choice.

When we need external approval to see that we are valuable, important, worthy of being loved, we spend effort until it is approved, and we are wasted in this cause. Whenever the person can say “I am worth being loved, I think and feel it myself before the other party makes me experience it or not” (it is not easy considering that the person has experienced rejection or being unloved, being cheated on in his past life), then the cycle he or she lives will change completely. In other words, if he can create an inner sense of value/competence, he will reflect this on his behavior, feel good and will not waste time in his relationships.

The factors that make it difficult for a person to do this are their past experiences. We study them in therapy. If he did not receive enough support from his family, was ostracized by his friends or could not form strong bonds, this need will be more intense and it will be more difficult for the person to do these things. Creating this inner calmness may seem difficult after the negative experiences and experiences I have mentioned. You may not have the strength, you may have little faith.

Observe your surroundings realistically. A healthy relationship is possible. We just need to change our way of thinking and therefore the way we perceive events and conditions. Because we cannot solve the problem with the perspective that created the problem. If the person’s thought is like this, he can provide it; “From now on, if my perspective will change, if I will feel more competent, valuable and able to put myself at the center of my life, isn’t it worth it?”

I wish you all a good day.