Psy. Ekin EREN TOKSOY

It is common for parents who complain that their children do not eat enough or less. Phrases such as “My child is playing with food instead of eating”, “My child eats his food very slowly”, “He refuses to come to the table at meal time”, “He says he is not hungry all the time, but I know he is hungry” are constantly heard from parents.

First of all, there are a few points that need to be clarified in this regard. Especially if your child is a preschool age, it may be very difficult for your child to sit and wait in one place for a long time. Because at this age, it is expected that children are more impatient, active, and more busy with other events and stimuli around them. For this reason, your child may prefer talking, playing with food or objects on the table, rather than eating.

In addition, at certain ages and times, your child may like some flavors and not others. This situation can be surprisingly different. Parents’ concerns about the amount of food their children eat arise from their unrealistic assumptions about the amount and type of food they think their children should eat. If your child eats a variety of foods, there is no harm in not eating a food he does not like.

Appetite in Children

Development, weight gain and appetite change from day to day in children. Therefore, at certain ages, your child may need less calorie intake. In particular, we can see that children between the ages of 1 and 5 generally spend a period of 3-4 months without gaining any weight.

Children’s refusal to eat can also be seen as a declaration of independence behavior. In such situations, your child’s insistence on not eating by using phrases such as “I don’t want” or “I hate meatballs” may be a behavior that he/she does to prove that he/she is independent and to show that he/she exists as a separate individual. The important thing is not to consider such behaviors as “obstinacy” and not to turn this situation into a war.

In such situations, parents may talk to their children in a threatening tone, force their children to eat, or punish them, along with their anxiety. These behaviors can play a bad role in your child’s emotional and mental development. In particular, families’ use of rewards such as “If you don’t eat, you can’t eat dessert” can have an unhealthy result, such as reinforcing children’s continuous sweet eating habits. For this reason, as parents, such incentives should be avoided.

In addition, sentences such as “If you eat this, you will be huge” used by parents to encourage children to eat are far from realism. You should consider that your child is not deceived by such sentences and therefore will not change your child’s eating behavior.

To increase your child’s eating habits;

• Determine meal times, especially morning, noon, and evening, and make those times routine.
• At mealtimes, put a reasonable amount of food on your child’s plate. If your child eats all the food in front of him, ask him if he wants some more.
• It would be good to determine certain rules to be applied during the meal: Not to talk while there is food in your mouth, not to eat in front of the TV, not to get up from the table until the meal is finished.
• Set a certain time for the meal, (25-30 minutes) and indicate that the table will be removed when this time is over.
• Limit snacking between meals. So he will eat when he is hungry.
• During the meal, offer a variety of healthy food options and leave your child free to eat whatever they want from the table.
• As a parent, try to set a good example for your child in eating habits. Avoid junk food, avoid complaining about various meals in front of your child, eat healthy foods. Remember that your child will imitate your eating behaviors as well as your every behavior.
• Make eating enjoyable. Don’t force your child to eat a food they don’t like. Provide him with a comfortable dining environment.
• If your child is a preschooler, involve them in activities such as shopping, choosing food and cooking. In this way, you will be informed about your child’s food taste.
• Let your child have control over his own eating behavior. So you will see that meal times are no longer a battle.

Remember that as your child grows, his appetite and sense of taste will change. Along with this, you will see that your eating habits are also regulated.

Emotional suffering; Although it is not a visible and tangible factor, it can be described as the emotional state that is experienced, that causes serious discomfort to the individual, and that the person has difficulty in describing. When describing this feeling, the person mostly tells it through his/her body. That is, “it’s such a pain…” it burns me; “my heart aches”; This emotional state is tried to be expressed with expressions such as “I’m bleeding” and so on. These are expressions that do not have a concrete place in our minds, but everyone understands what that “painful” state is, one way or another, since they have experienced similar events at least once in their life.

One of the situations in which we experience this state of anguish is “LOVE”. Of course, philosophers, academics and those working in the field have defined love differently. When we look at all of these definitions, we can say that, in summary, love is the desire (passion) felt to be with “that person” that we “idealize” excessively in our minds. After this passion, the feeling of emptiness and anguish experienced in the absence or loss of the person who is the target of love is the emotional state that constitutes the subject of this article.

Why is the pain of love felt?

Desiring excessively for what we don’t have and not considering the possibility of not having it at all results in us feeling bitter when things don’t turn out the way we want, no matter what. If we evaluate it over the definition of love we have made above, we feel the same anguish when we are unable to be with that person whom we idealize in our minds and whom we say “cannot be like him”, or not being able to be with the desired form, or losing. The “passion for being together”, which is the definition of love, already includes a possible sense of anguish. We can say that suffering is in the nature of love if the scenario does not turn out as desired.

Will the pain of love go away? how does it go?

Like so many things in life, love has billed you with a sense of pain because you didn’t consider the different possibilities. Remember, you called this feeling, so it will accompany you for a while. If you host your guest calmly, you will not turn the agony you are already in into an even more painful process. In classical terms, this pain will pass like any pain. Give time to the pain and to yourself. Stay away from photos that will remind you of the memories of the person you love over and over, and social networking sites where you can follow them. Try to concentrate on your life, try to focus on your daily work, social life, work life if any. Remember that your development process in life has not yet ended, so everything you have done in the past and planned to do in the future, that you want, that you dream of, still remains. Remember that the feeling of suffering you experience will fade away.