What is Sabotage in Romantic Relationships?
You’ve been seeing someone new for a while. Your communication is great, you have a great time, you are also very compatible sexually. You are starting to spend more and more time.
But at the same time, a disturbing voice inside of you is constantly telling you, “It will go wrong soon and everything will go wrong”, you focus on the negative sides of the relationship and you start to move away from your partner. Perhaps you are reducing your conversations with your partner, avoiding sharing feelings or talking about taking the relationship to the next level. As a result, your partner gets upset, angry, disappointed, and the happiness, excitement and joy at the beginning of the relationship disappears in an instant. That’s how your relationships usually end and it doesn’t last very long.
Does this scenario sound familiar to you? If so, you may be sabotaging your relationship. To sabotage romantic relationships means to harm or end your relationship with your conscious or unconscious behavior. So, how and why do you sabotage your relationships?
How Do You Know If You’ve Sabotaged Romantic Relationships?
There are many signs that you may be prone to sabotaging romantic relationships. Some of those;
Constantly or temporarily putting emotional or physical distance between you and your partner, not sharing your feelings, seeming insensitive and unapproachable, reducing conversations, making you feel that it is unimportant to make efforts for the relationship.
Acting defensively. Interpreting any criticism from your partner as blame
Lying about your feelings and thoughts or the state of the relationship. When your partner wants to talk about these issues, using sentences such as “There is no problem”, “Everything is fine”.
In order to feel strong in the relationship, to protect yourself, to blame and criticize your partner in everything, to look for the “perfect” partner even though you know it is not possible.
Moving away when your partner has an emotional need, showing closeness when you notice your partner is moving away
Staying away from behaviors that show commitment (like living with your partner, meeting their parents)
Changing partners frequently, breaking up with your partner for minor disagreements, and repeating this cycle
Having sexual or emotional relationships with other people other than your partner, even though you do not have an agreement regarding polygamy
Feeling excessive insecurity and jealousy towards your partner and therefore arguing frequently
Choosing partners who do not have similar relationship expectations as you
Since all these behaviors prevent you from establishing a sincere intimacy, they can make it easier for you to end this relationship whenever you want, it can drive your partner away from you and cause them to leave you. Well, why do we spend so much effort to end a union that can be good for us and make us happy?
Why Do We Sabotage Romantic Relationships?
Every person has different reasons for sabotaging their romantic relationships. We know that many variables such as childhood and adolescence, relationships with parents, past relationship experiences affect our behavior in relationships. So much so that our behavior can change in relationships with different people at different times. But if we look at the main reasons for sabotaging romantic relationships, the most important one is trying to protect oneself in non-functional ways for fear of being hurt emotionally. This has its origins in the insecure attachment patterns established with caregivers in childhood.
Insecure Attachment/ Anxious and Avoidant Attachment
We know that the way our caregivers treated us as children influences our perception of ourselves and others and shapes our future relationships. If the caregiver sometimes treats the baby warm and interested, sometimes cold and distant, or if he is completely indifferent and does not respond to his needs, this may cause insecure attachment in the child.
To summarize briefly, there are two types of insecure attachment patterns. Anxiously attached people feel that they are unloved and worthless because of their past relational patterns experienced with their caregivers, and they believe that they do not receive enough value from their partners in a romantic relationship, and they may find their partners’ attention and love insufficient. This results in them being more controlling in the relationship, often seeking confirmation that they are loved, demanding and jealous, as well as causing them to experience fear of rejection and abandonment. In short, they seek intimacy, but they live with the fear that they may lose this intimacy at any moment. Exactly because of these behaviors, it is not possible for them to establish intimacy in their relationships and they can sabotage the relationships in which they can find the love and attention they are looking for.
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From the moment we enter the movie theater, we step into a new world in the magical atmosphere of 7th art. At the door of the hall, the fights of daily life are left behind and we find ourselves in completely different lives from the moment the movie starts. We can be rich, poor, full …
What is Depression? What are the symptoms? How is the treatment?
The term ‘depression’ is one of the most used medical terms in daily life, for this reason; It has been the subject of many misunderstandings and misconceptions. It is highly probable that almost everyone will hear the phrase ‘I am depressed these days’ from their mouths at some point in their lives. So, is every …
Depression May Not Come With Drums
Depression’s low mood, reluctance, not enjoying life, introversion, crying, irritability can often be easily noticed and may lead you to consult a psychiatrist with the thought of “Am I getting depressed?” However, depressive illnesses may not always begin to manifest itself by playing the drums and horns. That is to say, depression is actually a …
The Hate Diary of a Psychiatrist
The sickly color of the city turned pale and reduced the will to live in people. In fact, outsiders say that the gloomy weather suits this city very well. For those who live here, it doesn’t really matter. They spend the day in the evening without complaining about each other’s same lives every day. My …
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Psychotherapy; It is the general name of the techniques that aim to solve the cognitive, emotional and behavioral problems of individuals through verbal interviews with a trained professional and to protect and improve the mental health of individuals. Throughout the history of psychiatry, different types of psychotherapy have been developed in various periods, shaped according …
The Psychology of Attachment “I Can’t Live Without You”
I can’t live without him, we complement each other, I’m incomplete without him, I can’t imagine a world without him… These expressions, which we all hear or say personally in our daily life, may not be so innocent after all. Ranging from ‘I’m nothing without you’ to ‘it’s mine or the black soil’, these sentences …
Role Distribution in Life: Unloved
There are children who are not accepted, loved, and rejected by their mothers. They climb to their mothers, to love me, take care of me, take care of me. The more she climbs, the more the mother pushes, the more the mother pushes, the more the child clings to the mother. These kids cry for …
Attitudes of Parents in University Exams
University exams have increasingly become the nightmare of both young people and parents in our country. Many people who put all their hopes into these exams go into a serious stress environment before and after the exam. They are right. So it’s not an unwarranted stress. Children flock to psychiatrists at exam time. They have …
Mental Problems Disrupt Our Physical Health
Studies by scientists say that mental problems and related problems can lead to serious diseases in the body after a while. Examining the timing and course of certain diseases shows how connected we are to the people in our lives and how much we are affected by these relationships. The frictions, turmoil and disappointments experienced …
So Was It Time to Die?
I always thought of our country as one big family. Not every country is a family, but our country has always been a big family since the establishment of the Republic of Turkey. Although the population of this family increased very rapidly, new brides and grooms entered the family, some of them were our own …
People of a Huge Country Looking for Himself
I’ve been a curious person for as long as I can remember. I was like that in my childhood. I will never forget the day I started school. My mother had tied white ribbons to my braided hair hanging from both sides. It was as if I was knocking on the door of the world …
Loving Yourself
It is actually very difficult for a person to love and like himself because the beast inside us is insatiable. If we do three, he’ll want five more. Such is the nature of man, but if it were not so, we would all sit hand in hand. Nature probably knows these things better than any …
Betrayal
Betrayal is perhaps one of the greatest pains that human beings can experience in the world. Even poets, in poems and songs, are angry if you compare separation and betrayal with death, and they say that betrayal always hurts a person even more than death. Because in betrayal, there are infuriating and hurtful meanings such …
Always the Same Role
Our role in life begins the moment we are born. This first role, given to us by our mothers, fathers or very close relatives, sticks to us so much that we never leave that role as long as we live, even if the movies change or the scenarios are written differently. Then we call it …
Marriage, Middle Age, Lie
Usually all men are afraid before marriage. They flee as the prey flees the predator. They are afraid of being caught by the hunter. For a while, they see girls as husband hunters. They do not have such fears at a young age, long before the age of marriage. Then there is only love for …
Reflections of the Economic Crisis on the Human Spirit
The people of our country have been living with crises for years. I mean, it never even came out. Economic crises that occur every 8-10 years, natural disasters, terrorism, emerging corruption and wars surrounding our country… All these strengthen our people against all kinds of crises and increase their ability to stand under all conditions, …
A Mobbing Tragedy
The meaning of mobbing can be defined as psychological violence, pressure or harassment. Especially in places where there is a hierarchical structure, it is the powerful oppressing the underdogs or harassing them in various ways. This harassment can sometimes be done by using social and psychological pressure methods, and sometimes it can be in the …
Trauma-Associated Disorders
Trauma, in its most general definition, is a state of discomfort resulting from an unusual experience that has a lasting effect on the individual’s mental state and personality. It is possible to examine traumas in 2 types as short-term and permanent traumas. While short-term traumas occur as a result of sudden and non-continuous events such …
Drug Uses in Psychiatry
We can say that there is an extreme tendency towards medical drugs in our society. Most of the time, it is common to use medication based on the symptoms that occur in the body, even if it is not prescribed by a doctor. In cases such as a small cough, fever or headache, we resort …
Our Most “Popular” Schemes
The emotional needs of individuals that are not met, especially in childhood, play a role in the formation of certain schemas. Emotional deprivation: It results from the emotional neglect of a child’s primary caregiver, most often the mother. The idea that “I will never be loved enough” prevails. These people, knowingly or unknowingly, put emotional …
The Importance of Peer Relationships in Children
In early childhood, babies begin to show a marked interest in all other children. However, since the social skills necessary to play with other children are not yet fully developed, the first types of play are the ones they play alone. After a while, they start to play side-by-side games with their peers around the …
Divorce: A Psychological Perspective
One of the most common issues that parents want to receive counseling or therapy services for their children is the divorce process. Divorce, which is an undesirable situation in parental relations, can lead to different effects for each family structure. Depending on the attitudes and behaviors of the parents, it can be considered normal, on …
Deception And Abandonment
In my first years of working as a cheating and abandonment psychiatrist, that is, 25-30 years ago (in fact, I don’t like talking about such huge numbers when talking about past years, but unfortunately this is the truth) I only listened to women who were cheated on. These were women stabbed in the chest, that’s …
Our Current Psychology Publications
Is There Such a Thing as Coronaphobia, or Not!
“What if I’ve contracted the virus?” “What if I’m asymptomatic and pass it on to someone?” …
What is Stress? Symptoms and Treatment Methods of Stress
Stress, the natural reaction of the body during any moment of danger that requires adaptation or response, can be triggered …
Empathy: The Art of Understanding Others and Establishing Empathic Connection
The term “empathy” is briefly mentioned as “duygudaşlık” on the Turkish Language Association’s …
The Sense of Emotional Neglect
Emptiness The traumas individuals experience during childhood can leave profound marks on their lives. Neglect and abuse …
Healthy Communication in Marriage
Effective Ways to Solve Problems in Marriage – How Should Healthy Arguments Be? Marriage is the union of two individuals …
Bedwetting (Enuresis)
The term enuresis comes from the Greek word “enourein,” which means “to urinate.” Today, enuresis …
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in Children
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in children is characterized by the constant and often prolonged repetition of certain …
Fear, Anxiety, and Children
Fear, Anxiety, and Children Many children experience fear and anxiety as a normal part of their development. They exhibit …
Neurodevelopmental Disorders
Neurodevelopmental disorders encompass a group of differences and disorders that affect the development of the nervous system, …
