Stress, the natural reaction of the body during any moment of danger that requires adaptation or response, can be triggered by both real and perceived threatening situations. The observed situation of danger can be an actual event or a situation perceived as “dangerous” by the mind. The stress response that emerges to protect the individual can disrupt the quality of life and functionality when excessively observed. Read more
The term “empathy” is briefly mentioned as “duygudaşlık” on the Turkish Language Association’s website, and in psychological sources, it is also referred to as
The word “empathy” comes from the Greek word “empathia,” using the “em” prefix, which implies within or inside. “Pathia” means feeling, and thus, the word “empathia” gains its meaning as feeling within. Read more
Emptiness The traumas individuals experience during childhood can leave profound marks on their lives. Neglect and abuse during childhood can lead to psychological problems in adolescence and adulthood. According to research, 35-57% of individuals may exhibit psychological symptoms in adulthood based on the neglect and abuse they experienced in childhood (Goodman, Rosenberg, Mueser, & Drake, 1997; Mueser, Bond, Drake, & Resnick, 1998; Mueser et al., 2004). Read more
Marriage is the union of two individuals with distinct personality traits, cultural backgrounds, perspectives, values, and beliefs, creating a structure where they rediscover themselves. During this process, adaptation and harmony become fundamental qualities. Read more
Taking care of oneself is a vital behavior to maintain our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, when we prioritize the needs of others before our own, there may be a tendency to neglect our own needs, adversely affecting our lives. However, paying attention to our bodies, health, and happiness allows us to feel better in the long run. Taking care of oneself is an expression of self-love, self-worth, and prioritizing your own needs. Read more
When we talk about psychological resilience, negative events usually come to mind first. However, throughout life, despite experiencing many events that cause anxiety, stress, and concern, these are not always negative or unwanted situations. Sometimes, even when eagerly awaited, certain situations can be challenging when they occur. Therefore, psychological distress does not only lead to feeling sad and sorrowful but can also be psychologically challenging when anxiety and stress are strong or prolonged. Read more
Depression, under the concept of melancholy, has come as one of the oldest terms in the realm of mental disorders. Hippocrates explained the biological origins of depression, suggesting its connection to an increase in black bile around 400 BC (Türkçapar, 2009). Complaints associated with depression can manifest in various forms, including disturbing mood, changes in attitudes towards life, and unreal physical symptoms accompanying depression (Beck, 1967). Read more
Anger is a powerful emotion that all of us experience from time to time. It is a understandable reaction to various triggers such as disappointment or perceived injustice. While anger itself is not inherently negative, how we manage and express it can significantly impact our relationships, mental health, and overall quality of life. While anger can motivate individuals to defend their boundaries, protect themselves or others, and address injustices, if left unchecked, it can also lead to impulsive or aggressive behaviors. In this article, we will explore the concept of anger management, its importance, and practical strategies to effectively balance our relationship with anger. Read more
As living beings, we require various resources to sustain our lives. In order to identify human needs, various studies have been conducted, and in 1943, Abraham H. Maslow introduced the “Hierarchy of Needs” into the literature. The hierarchy of needs consists of 5 levels, and Maslow argued that we move on to the next level when the needs at the relevant level are met. Read more
Speech and language therapy is a therapeutic approach used in the prevention, assessment, diagnosis, and intervention of communication disorders. It assists individuals in improving their communication and language skills. Speech and language therapy can be applied to both adults and children, addressing various speech problems and communication disorders such as speech repetitions and partial speech loss due to brain damage. The therapy encompasses the rehabilitation of swallowing, speech, language, and communication disorders and should be administered by specialized therapists. Read more
Adolescence is a period of rapid and intense changes in young individuals, accompanied by hormonal changes as they search for their own identities. Consequently, increased questioning about life is observed during adolescence. Adolescents often experience feelings of unhappiness, loneliness, and helplessness during this period. Serious problems in controlling their anger are also noted. Sleep and appetite problems may accompany these rapid mood changes. Read more
From the moment we are born, we seek to understand and make sense of the world around us. Frequently, especially during certain age groups of our children, we hear questions like “What is this? What is it for? Why does this exist?” All of these arise from our need for knowledge. When we learn something, these experiences are stored in networks created by brain cells called neurons. Similar networks are interconnected. Read more
Depression is a psychiatric disorder where individuals feel unhappy, pessimistic, worthless, guilty, and hopeless. It can be accompanied by sleep and appetite problems, fatigue, and a lack of sexual desire. People experiencing depression find it difficult to derive pleasure from life, feel disinterested even in activities they used to enjoy, and may also exhibit slowed movements and self-care issues, along with attention and memory problems. In advanced stages of depression, individuals may lose their functionality, struggle to carry on with daily tasks, and thoughts and actions related to suicide may arise. Read more
Gambling disorder is characterized by the inability to control gambling behavior, leading to unwanted and persistent gambling activities that disrupt individual, familial, or occupational functionality. In recent years, with the increased use of the internet, gambling disorder has been observed to rise even more due to online gambling activities (Yeşilay, 2021). Read more
Smiling depression, also known as hidden or masked depression, is one of the subtypes of depression.
Depression is a psychiatric disorder characterized by pessimistic thoughts, low mood, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, hopelessness about the future, unhappiness, an inability to enjoy life, and, often, disturbances in sleep and appetite. When we look at smiling depression, we observe that emotional expression doesn’t overtly resemble depression, and there are prominent physical complaints. Individuals with smiling depression may experience bodily aches, digestive problems, dermatological issues, alcohol dependence, and stomach problems.
Despite feeling internally down, hopeless, and sad, individuals with smiling depression may not pay attention to these feelings. They tend to dismiss them, perceiving them as weaknesses and inadequacies. They may appear happy and enthusiastic about life to those around them, wearing a mask. The suppression of emotions can manifest as physical discomfort. In other words, when verbal expression is absent, physical expression emerges.
Due to the prominence of physical pain in smiling depression, individuals often do not initially seek psychologists or psychiatrists as their primary source of help. Individuals may not even be aware of their depression, even if they are experiencing it. Even if someone with smiling depression learns about it, they may not accept it and go through a process of denial.
Symptoms of Smiling Depression
Smiling depression includes symptoms of depression, such as:
Prominent symptoms in smiling depression include:
Treatment for Smiling Depression
Individuals may delay seeking help as they avoid confronting their weaknesses and inadequacies. They may have beliefs that seeking help could be futile. However, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and everyone needs help at certain times in their lives. As individuals let go of the misconception that they must be entirely strong, they can take off the mask they wear and embark on the path to healing.
Treatment for smiling depression is generally conducted on an outpatient basis and can involve inpatient treatment in severe cases. Psychotherapy and medical treatment can be combined during the treatment process.
Burcu KATIRCIOĞLU
Clinical Psychologist
Education:
B.A. in Psychology, Başkent University (With Honors)
Specialization:
Clinical Psychology, Istanbul Üsküdar University
Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder whose symptoms begin to appear in early childhood. In recent studies, it is mentioned that this disorder occurs as a result of the interaction of both genetic and environmental factors. Among the most important symptoms of autism are inadequate communication skills, reluctance/inability to relate and interact with people, and repetitive behaviors. Asperger’s syndrome is thought to be one of the types of high-functioning autism. Although the symptoms of Asperger’s syndrome are similar to those of other autism disorders, the symptoms are usually milder. Read more
Also known as winter depression, seasonal affective disorder or seasonal depression; It is a psychological disease that is triggered by the change of seasons, especially in autumn and winter, where the interest and desire of the person decreases, his thoughts, feelings and behaviors are negatively affected. Lack of sunlight, low temperatures, short days and being in closed environments all the time have negative effects on many people and cause depression. Read more
Masturbation behavior is an extremely natural and healthy process for the development of children. Children start to touch their own bodies in a way that they enjoy from an early age when they start to explore their bodies. This behavior is more common in children between the ages of 3 and 6 years. Read more
Toilet training is an extremely important step in the growth and development processes of children. This process can be quite critical and sometimes worrying for parents as well as children. It is generally thought that children show interest in toilet training when they turn 24 months, but this period may be earlier or later in some children. Therefore, it is not possible to say an exact time when toilet training should be given to children. Read more
The subject of study is one of the problems that the child and the family have in common. This is due to the differences between the expectations of the family and the child. The openness of the scissors in the disagreement here is much wider as a result of the reluctance of both sides to take a step. Read more
1995 World Medical Association Declaration of Patient Rights, Article 7; talks about the right to be informed. In 1998 Turkish Medical Deontology Regulation, Patient Rights Regulation, Article 3/15; speaks of this right. Read more
Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder with symptoms such as refusal to maintain a normal weight for age and height, excessive fear of gaining weight, disturbance in body image, and cessation of menstruation. An intense fear of gaining weight is at the root of anorexia nervosa, accompanied by a refusal to even maintain a low weight. Read more
Meditation is a term that corresponds to the concept of “deep thinking” in the dictionary sense. In dictionaries, the word meditation is defined as “inner peace of the individual, calmness”. Meditation is a spiritual purification technique in different cultures and religions. Thanks to concentration and alertness exercises, the individual rests his mind and soul. Read more
According to TDK, anxiety; Sadness has been defined as a state of tension of unknown origin that occurs with worrying thoughts. In the Dictionary of Psychology Terms developed by TDK, anxiety; It is characterized as unsettling feelings and thoughts that appear when a strong desire or impulse seems to be unable to reach its goal.
There are two types of anxiety in human life, which we can classify as normal and pathological. Normal anxiety is death, illness, failure, separation, etc. that occur in the flow of daily life. It is a type of anxiety that arises from situations and also begins in situations that have not been experienced before. The situation that occurs when the person cannot sustain or carry this so-called normal anxiety or starts to identify this anxiety as dangerous, is defined as the situation that occurs when the person frequently resorts to the defense mechanisms. While normal anxiety has an aspect that increases the motivation of the person, pathological anxiety reduces the quality of life and affects the person negatively in terms of psychophysiology.
Fear and anxiety are often confused with each other. There are important and distinct differences between them. Fear is an affect and reaction that occurs when a consciously identified danger occurs. We can talk about the source of fear, as in the example of “I am afraid of dogs”. Anxiety, on the other hand, is a reaction to unknown, uncertain, objectless dangers.
There are some concerns that arise from infancy. For example, separation, death, castration (castration, circumcision), extinction anxiety are the anxieties seen and expected to occur in children, but these anxieties are expected to fade away in the future. For example, while the anxiety that children between the ages of 1-2 show towards separation from their mothers is considered natural, it is not considered natural for such a situation to occur before adolescence or adolescence. Anxiety in children and adolescents is generally related to academic, social and physical issues.
There are anxieties that arise at various ages, they differ according to the characteristics of the age. In the first years, the anxiety of separating from the mother, gaining the love of the mother and father, not being able to find friends in primary school periods, and not being successful in the lessons occur. In adolescence, there are concerns about making close friends, belonging to a group, being nice to the opposite sex, and changes in the body. Anxiety is most intense in the first 2 years and adolescence years. Factors such as increasing expectations from life in proportion to age, adding the level of reality and responsibilities are seen as the reasons for increased anxiety in adolescence. At the same time, anxiety levels are more common in girls depending on gender. Regarding the reason for this, the researchers think that it may be due to the fact that girls are more emotional.
Other factors affecting the level of anxiety are factors such as parental attitudes, socio-economic structure, number of siblings, education and job levels of parents, and academic status of the child. If the child is exposed to harsh, critical and humiliating attitudes, psychologically it prepares the ground for anxiety. Factors such as the number of siblings cause the child not to meet the basic love and trust needs sufficiently and to have problems with the new sibling. A low socioeconomic level causes the child’s basic needs not to be met and causes feelings such as tension and distress in the home, and this situation may cause the child to be worried about maintaining life.
The child’s frequent encounters with various difficulties and reward punishments in his academic life, for example, the presence of direct or indirect statements such as “I will buy you a gift if you pass the class, “I will not give you pocket money if you get a poor grade” may cause the child to become sensitive about success and create anxiety in this area.
In the basic healthy development of the child, it is important that the social and emotional needs of the child are met as well as their physical and mental development. In emotional development based on love, the parent-child relationship has a very anxiety-relieving importance.
Although it has a basic function to protect the child from danger, it is still a basic step for him to cope with the problems he encounters and to continue his life in harmony.
Anxious attitudes and behaviors from birth to adulthood should not be exhibited by parents. Statements such as “you will fall, get injured, have an accident, be beaten, cannot go-you cannot go, etc.” cause the child to perceive the outside world as dangerous and to deteriorate coping strategies. Instead of this situation, being more supportive and inclusive, adopting a solution-oriented attitude rather than a problem-oriented one will calm the child’s anxiety.
Attitudes such as frequent comparisons, showing others as examples, forcing what they cannot do, lead to a tendency to feel alienated from school and to see oneself as worthless. Seeing the child’s competencies and praising the areas he is good at and using motivating sentence patterns such as “you can do better” in his inadequacies cause positive effects on anxiety.
The most important thing is to remember that anxiety about the unknown is an extremely sensitive quality. Children love surprises, but they can be very anxious when faced with unprepared situations. It is important to inform the child during relocation, migration, school change, caregiver, hospital and doctor visits. Discourses made to gloss over, lie and save the day damage the sense of trust in children. While conveying difficult news such as divorce and death, it is very important to express the truth as it is, but to emphasize our feelings.
Rumination: It is mental occupation with negative content. In psychiatry, rumination is known as mental rumination: It is the repetitive and rigid repetition of negative thoughts in the mind without change. “These events always find me, why did they do this to me, what did I do to deserve this,” pondering over the cause of the event, the occurrence of the event coming to mind many times, self-blaming thoughts about the event are examples of ruminative thoughts. As a result of the ruminative way of thinking, people’s thoughts go into a negative mood and they say, why did it take so long for them to be in this negative mood, and they don’t try any way to find a solution and enlarge the process in their eyes. This situation causes them to feel hopeless and helpless about the future, and these are the underlying conditions of Depression. Instead of looking at the event from a different perspective, evaluating and producing solutions, people constantly focus on negative thoughts and turn the same event in their minds.
Rumination takes the person away from anything that encourages them to do nothing, to solve the problem.
In the minds of individuals who have excessive thinking problems, the causes, consequences, and effects of the upsetting events that harm them are constantly revolving, and instead of producing a solution for this situation, the person continues to do nothing – inactivity in thought. Rumination is not a necessity to take action and take responsibility, but to give up. Thinking over and over again about the possible cause and effect of the situation, without taking action to solve the problems by dwelling on the past, turns into a disorder and reduces the quality of life of the person.
With ruminative thinking, the person becomes so preoccupied with the problem that he cannot use his healthy problem-solving abilities. This is quite stressful. Rumination is mostly done by Depression patients, Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder patients. This negative thinking strategy of the patients causes the severity of the symptoms to increase and the disorder to become chronic because this thinking strategy; It causes people to over-generalize the negative events they have experienced, to see the situation they are in more negatively than they are, and to be more pessimistic. Rumination prevents the correct evaluation of events because the person has focused his point of view on the part he has fixed so that he cannot see any result from the event other than what he thinks. When ruminative people evaluate their lives, they bring negative memories to their minds more frequently, think that the majority of their lives are filled with negative events, and they use pessimistic and distorted interpretations such as underestimating their successes and generalizing their mistakes.
Recognize your wrong thinking habits and focus and “become aware” when negative thoughts come to life in your mind. When you notice, you can change the content of the thought and change the focus. Additionally, review the values you attribute to events. Recognize and avoid situations that trigger negative thoughts. For example, if a sad song makes you ruminate, listen to upbeat songs.
Of course, other than that: Problem solving skills should be learned, the focus of thought should be changed, we should be able to look at the event from different angles and make positive inferences. It should be accepted that no situation related to the event or thought will remain the same, the effects of the problem should be minimized, and most importantly, one should learn to “stay in the moment”. They should receive social support and be as physically active as possible.
If the person cannot do these things or if unhappiness continues despite thinking that he has done them, then he is stuck in these steps or the underlying basic belief is that cognitive errors should be intervened.
Posted by:
Psk. Pelin KAYMAN
People who have been traumatized have been faced with a situation that has challenged their capacity to produce solutions until now, in a way they have never encountered before, and that shakes their selves. That’s why for them, life is divided into pre-traumatic and post-traumatic.
The stress hormone of people who have experienced severe trauma ((torture, neglect, abuse, rape, etc.) does not return to normal level by continuing to be secreted even after a long time. Normally, our stress hormone is secreted too much to ignite the fight-and-flight response in case of danger, and then it returns us to the balance we call homeostasis. When PTSD occurs, the stress hormone continues to be secreted even after the danger has passed, and the state of arousal continues. After the trauma, many people are trapped in the fear they know instead of trying new options.
It is the amygdala part of our brain that decides whether a sound, a noise, or a smell is a threat. When the amygdala perceives the stimulus as a threat, it goes into an alarm state. Stress hormones fire, blood pressure speeds up the heartbeat and increases oxygen uptake. In a split second, it prepares the body for a fight-flight response and takes action, or if the person is horrified, they freeze.
Because the blood flow to Broca’s area, which is the speech center of the brain, is cut off, just like in patients with paralysis. Because even when the memory comes to their minds years later, they feel the body sensations of the moment they experienced the trauma. To be imprisoned in that moment is to be imprisoned in all these body sensations. Even if the person can start to tell about the trauma even if it is difficult, due to the nature of the trauma, he cannot describe it with a wholeness that has a beginning, a middle and an end, like positive memories.
We enable them to make sense of these unprocessed parts of the trauma in a holistic way. There are bodily sensations such as sound, smell, and disjointed images in the memory, and these are the unprocessed parts of the trauma that are trapped in the body independent of the memory. By detecting the body sensations that trigger the client, we depersonalize them in a controlled manner with eye movements. Unprocessed memories evoke reactions similar to the moment of trauma in daily life. When these stimuli are perceived, the situation we call flashback (unwanted memory comes to mind) occurs and causes the person to be unable to do whatever they are doing at that moment and not be able to adapt to daily tasks. After the EMDR method, people can continue their daily lives as they become desensitized to the memory.
According to the EMDR school, there is no need for a period of 1 month, unlike other schools, and EMDR therapy can be taken for recent trauma. In this way, we support the client to make sense of the event, to realize that the reactions given are normal reactions, and to overcome the trauma process in a healthy way. I can give an example of how to get through this healthy way. In some traumas, the person feels guilty because he cannot change the course of the event or wants to harm himself or others because he cannot react. In such cases, we intervene in the places where the client is stuck. Therefore, if you or your loved one has been traumatized and it seems that he cannot adapt to his daily life, it is absolutely necessary to seek expert help. This will bring about big change.
Posted by;
Psk. Pelin Kayman
Based on the cases I have encountered as an adult psychologist, I can say that; It is a subject that is frequently asked, trivialized, and can lead to significant changes if noticed.
If parents are overly controlling about their children’s body sensations and choices; Let’s say the child is not hungry at that meal and does not want to eat. Although it is healthy, it can cause eating disorders if the child’s body sensations are not trusted due to the family’s anxiety and they are forced to eat. In the future, when his wife or someone else is confused about what to wear and what to wear, the child, who is constantly entered into his own space and is not given a choice, in his adulthood, these are completely normal and he may be easily exposed to psychological violence and may not even realize it.
One of the reasons for not saying no, which does not necessarily cause major pathologies, is that the child is not given the opportunity to say no at all. Thus, he can behave submissively against the negative attitudes of other people and make himself or herself use even his body while trying to please people in order to be accepted.
If their parents are constantly arguing, fighting, and if there is no peace at home, they do not leave because the children cannot bear it; Even if we are unhappy in romantic relationships, even if we experience violence, it can cause them to receive the message that we can’t change it, and therefore to believe that I am helpless. In this way, even if children make the wrong choice in adulthood, they try to continue this. They even offer many compelling reasons to make it plausible. They can be imprisoned with many self-sabotaging negative thoughts such as “If I leave, I can’t find a new person, I put a lot of effort into this relationship, the newcomer may be worse than this person, and they look for those who come and go, I can’t tolerate separation”. They see their problem-solving ways as weak and the event big, or they overestimate the disadvantages of the positive decision they will choose and think that they will not be able to cope.
For a child with an extreme perfectionist family, if it is more important to be first in his classes than himself, the situation that we call unconditional acceptance, that he has to fulfill a condition in order to be loved, is such a bad and hurtful situation. the fact that love is given to you only on one condition.. You will be loved only if you are successful (!). Then the child’s self-esteem drops, causing the belief that “I am not loved”. They make unnecessary sacrifices to be accepted, they may become overly attached to the first person who accepts them because they do not believe they will be loved, or they make great sacrifices to be loved.
The bad news: Many people start out with the preliminary foundation left by the family life they have lived so far in their lives. The good news is that he can first “recognize” them, then ask for change and create a new “me” step by step.
“I am not worthy of being loved anyway, no one I care about has valued me as much as I wanted/expected. I’ve never felt fully loved, exactly where I belong. Whenever I gave value in my relationship, the other party always abused it. I loved, I loved without giving up. When I love, I truly love it very much. This being the case, not being able to feel or see the love of the other party for the effort shown to me, or seeing it once and then showing a contradictory attitude drives me crazy. My ears turn red, my face burns so much that I hate it then. I want to feel his love in every period of my life. I’m writing, calling, can’t think of a day without her when she forgets to call me! Let’s end our little discussion then…’
A person experiencing ambivalence can experience such intense and at the same time contradictory emotions. Whenever a person makes being loved a goal, a goal and puts someone else in the center of his life before himself, then he will make great efforts for this goal and his expectation will be just as high. Because he left feeling the feeling of “I can be loved” to someone else’s choice.
When we need external approval to see that we are valuable, important, worthy of being loved, we spend effort until it is approved, and we are wasted in this cause. Whenever the person can say “I am worth being loved, I think and feel it myself before the other party makes me experience it or not” (it is not easy considering that the person has experienced rejection or being unloved, being cheated on in his past life), then the cycle he or she lives will change completely. In other words, if he can create an inner sense of value/competence, he will reflect this on his behavior, feel good and will not waste time in his relationships.
The factors that make it difficult for a person to do this are their past experiences. We study them in therapy. If he did not receive enough support from his family, was ostracized by his friends or could not form strong bonds, this need will be more intense and it will be more difficult for the person to do these things. Creating this inner calmness may seem difficult after the negative experiences and experiences I have mentioned. You may not have the strength, you may have little faith.
Observe your surroundings realistically. A healthy relationship is possible. We just need to change our way of thinking and therefore the way we perceive events and conditions. Because we cannot solve the problem with the perspective that created the problem. If the person’s thought is like this, he can provide it; “From now on, if my perspective will change, if I will feel more competent, valuable and able to put myself at the center of my life, isn’t it worth it?”
I wish you all a good day.
Having a child is seen psychologically as a “rite of passage to adult life”, “a fundamental part of sexual identity”, “the main purpose of marriage”. However, about -15% of couples of reproductive age have trouble conceiving.
The condition called inability to have children, infertility or infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant after 1 year or more and is a serious problem that creates physical, emotional and financial difficulties. Many couples see and experience this as a major crisis. Societal pressures make the treatment process even more difficult for the spouses, as the infertility treatment takes a long time, is an expensive treatment, and the outcome of the treatment is uncertain.
Often, spouses try to hide their conflicts about infertility and fulfill their daily responsibilities.
Many couples facing this crisis experience a series of emotional changes; such as depression, powerlessness, hopelessness, exhaustion, frustration, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, low self-esteem, withdrawal, and social isolation.
In short, not only the mental health of couples, but also the dynamics of their relationships are changing. Existing problems such as poor communication skills or economic problems may increase. The sexual satisfaction of the spouses also decreases. Sex can become mechanical and emotionless, just a job to get pregnant. Treatment costs are another source of stress for spouses in this process. Another source of conflict is what treatment options they will try, when they will stop treatment, whether donor (transplant) eggs or sperm will be used, whether there will be adoption, and if so, how. Childless couples also face criticism from others in this process, and this further reduces their self-esteem and self-image.
In many cases, spouses mourn the loss in different ways: one spouse may want to talk openly about the loss, while the other spouse may want to avoid anything that reminds them of the loss. There are significant differences between men and women in terms of approaches, problem solving and coping styles. In women, sadness, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, disappointment, shame, feelings of guilt or inadequacy, and infertility are common. The woman may try to find out what she did to cause infertility and blame herself unfairly. In many societies, a woman’s capacity to have children is associated with her identity as a woman, so a woman may not feel like a woman, and as a result, many women may fear separation from their spouse. On the other hand, the traditional male role also includes having children, which can lead to feelings of embarrassment. Some men, on the other hand, are worried that they will not be able to continue the lineage of the family.
In this challenging process, spouses should be optimistic about the outcome and at the same time realistic about the possibility of not achieving the desired outcome. An open, honest and balanced communication between spouses is important in terms of addressing and solving problems and determining common views.
Partners should be supported and informed that changes in sexual intimacy are temporary and will return to normal after treatment ends, unexpected consequences (eg, multiple pregnancies), risks to the health of the mother and baby, how long it will last, and the cost. Sharing their thoughts and feelings together, getting support from relatives, friends and professionals, helps fill their lives and relationships with other things (like taking walks together, going to the movies, taking walks in nature, being with friends in social situations), making sex fun (candles, nice music, etc.). romantic films, etc.) will be useful in this process.
The support of a mental health professional is important in assessing spouse’s strengths and vulnerability, coping ways, and belief systems. Spouses can learn ways to better understand each other and communicate more effectively. Techniques such as coping with stress, reducing anxiety, controlling depression, coping with disappointments during medical treatments, feelings of guilt, worthlessness and failure, improving communication skills, breathing exercises, relaxation exercises can help at all stages of treatment.
Why do we start a relationship? To be happy, to grow, maybe to find our other half and live in eternal peace. In fact, while our main goal is to feel better, some relationships have the opposite effect on us; it hurts and makes us feel bad.
These kinds of relationships are very tiring for the person. If you find yourself experiencing the exact opposite instead of feeling good in a relationship, I have bad news for you. The toxic (harmful) relationship that we have heard a lot lately may be the leading role in your life.
In fact, it is a disguised psychological poison. The other party puts an invisible poison in the tea we drink. And while we drink that tea, we hardly notice the damage in our body. But over time, the dose of poison increases, one drop more every day. Now you are aware that something is wreaking havoc on your body. Another bad news for you. That tea has become a habit for you now. You can’t stop without drinking that tea in the morning, noon and evening. Your body is scorched by the damage, but you can’t do anything and stop drinking.
That’s exactly what a toxic relationship is. It is the name given to that relationship that causes emotional and physical damage that goes unnoticed for a long time, has a very destructive effect, that the person never feels good about, but that he can never give up, so to speak, that poisons you.
You run a lot, you wear out a lot, but once you see you are where you are again; You’re drinking that poisoned tea. Now you are starting to lose all your self and your values. That man/woman who constantly criticizes you, doesn’t understand you, or even insults you, poisons your soul. As you drink the poison, you continue to lose your self-confidence, blame yourself more and more, and feel more and more worthless. It must be worth thinking about why I can’t get rid of it every night.
You are always the one making the sacrifice, so you keep your own life in a corner because there is manipulation in this relationship, your emotions, thoughts and even your behaviors are constantly under control. Once you see, even you feel flawed and inadequate. Even if you do react, the answer you will get is “I will put them in your and yours.
I say this for the sake of our relationship”. However, in this relationship, each of your needs for intimacy, love and unconditional acceptance is unimportant. The focus is on their own needs. Now all your negative emotions come to the surface. Anger, unhappiness, uneasiness, fatigue.. You go back and forth in the same place. You always try to explain yourself but
the same discussion topics come up, no solution and no result. You become like that when you can’t even breathe while drinking tea. Because now you are faced with an inextricable toxic relationship that even you cannot recognize yourself.
There is another very curious thing. Why do we continue to drink a tea that we know is harming us? Although everyone’s relationship dynamics and self-perceptions are very different from each other, some thought patterns are the most important sources for a toxic relationship.
I put a lot of effort, will it be fixed? Can I still save? So what I mean is still believing that things can change.
Is this because of me? In fact, this thought pattern comes from our childhood years, when our parents devalued us. Our parents’ rejection of our feelings causes us to grow up with a sense of lack, a fault-seeking perception in ourselves. *manipulation!! The other party tells us: “There is no problem in our relationship, you are raising it”
Not being able to afford the period of mourning: whether the relationship is as toxic or harmful as it wants, after all, after every ending relationship, there is a period of loneliness, a period of mourning. Some people see themselves as weak in dealing with it.
Now we know what a toxic relationship is and what are its causes. How do I get rid of what’s left? Knowing these reasons is extremely important. Notice the signs. Accept. Noticing, trying to change and starting to face the facts. You can realize the damage of the toxic relationship, the poison we drink and get rid of it. Be honest with yourself. Yes, you spent a lot of time and effort, you were very hopeful, but that feeling is raging. Don’t silence him. Do not look for branches to hold on, remember that every branch you hold on to is in your hands. Most importantly, be yourself.
It doesn’t make much sense to stay in that relationship where even your true self is rejected.
Remember, continuing to drink that poison with the hope that both parties will change one day without believing, loving, valuing and making full effort is only possible with a toxic relationship. We, on the other hand, should live the relationship for pleasure, for happiness.
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Psk. Nida DAL İDİKUT
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