My mother was actually a much more authoritarian woman than my father. So even though we were afraid of my father, we were afraid of my mother. He wanted us to go to bed on time and get up on time, he attached great importance to our lessons, he always took care to dress us in the best way, he sewed our clothes on his own during the holidays with a Singer sewing machine at home, and he wanted us to wear our black patent leather, top-tied shoes clean, bought every holiday. As the first child in the house, he had very high expectations, especially from me. He would often go to school with my father to see my teachers, and when he heard how the teachers praised me, he would always get cake or ice cream as a reward on his way home. He wanted me to study and become a doctor. There were already many doctors in the family, but I had to be a doctor too.
My mother was a gifted woman. He wouldn’t buy everything from the bazaar, he would definitely make things like tarhana, tomato paste, pickles, noodles, jam at home. His door was open to everyone. That’s why our house is never without guests, there would be a lot of people coming and going. He would treat each of them as best he could, and he wanted us to show the same attention to our guests. He saw us not as children but as adults, never allowing us to do childish things in front of others, especially not asking us to go out often.
We three brothers were always together, trying not to make him angry. But even if she was angry, her anger would pass quickly and she would smile quickly. During Ramadan, fasting was observed and sahura was performed at night. My mother used to knead yeast dough every night before going to bed, and she would get up at night and bake it. Even if we were not fasting, we would jump out of our beds as soon as we smelled the smell of fried yeast dough. Tea would be brewed, cheese, olives, eggs, jam would come out, and we would all sit at the table together. Sometimes neighbors would come to this table at midnight. Most of all, my dear friend Taylan Süer, who lives downstairs, would join us. Now, Taylan and I live in the same apartment as before. Another downstairs…
Sitting at the table together was one of the most important rules of our house. My father’s place was already known, he always had the corner. We couldn’t have started without that meal. There was always a variety of food on the table. Olive oil, meat, sweet, it would never be missing. At the beginning of the stove, my mother would cook with the meal, but what she cooked was also eaten with pleasure.
I studied secondary and high school at TED Ankara College. I was a good student. Since I listened very well to the teachers in the class, I studied less but got good grades. I was particularly successful in literature classes. The professors gave ten stars to the compositions I wrote, and they asked me to read them aloud to the whole class during the lessons. Studying in college gave people a different reputation back then. Since the children of all bureaucrats were students of this school, black cars would not be passed in front of the school after school, and the drivers would wait for the children at the door. The teachers took special care of each of us, and they knew all of us intimately, since the classes had a maximum of twenty-five or thirty people.
At that time, the boys’ and girls’ colleges were separate. It merged the year I was in my sophomore year of high school. We were all very excited. These two groups, who had been studying separately for years in opposite buildings, would suddenly merge. That day, my mother personally brought me to school, she even came to class and decided where and with whom I would sit, and even told a young man she had caught her eye to watch over me. That young man was my dear Niyazi Akdaş, who is still my close friend.
When I came back from school, I would do my own lessons first, but my work would not end there. My mother wanted me to help my siblings with their lessons, and Yükselen and Mustafa never objected to this. I was devastated by coaching Geography for Yükselen and English for Mustafa.
I got a very high score in the university entrance exams. I could go anywhere I wanted. I pre-registered at the Faculty of Political Sciences, but with the guidance of my mother, I finally decided on the Faculty of Medicine at Ankara University. It was difficult to adapt to a place like college. That’s why almost all of my classmates entered the Middle East Technical University. Back then, college students would prefer it there. In the first year, I regretted not doing like them. What a strange place this was! None of them were like my friends in college. Their clothes, their outfits, the music they listened to, their habits were very different. I was going to school, but I was in search of a new one. Finally, I found what I was looking for and that year I took the TRT announcer exams. I didn’t know if I could do it, but I was going to try.
I left school and went to the Radio House opposite the Opera. I was excited. How would they test? There were a lot of people and they were all young like me. When it was my turn, they took me to a small studio. They put a news text in front of me and said “read it”. In our house, the news was never missed, it was always listened to. The announcer would set the tone of his voice and start by saying “This is Turkey Radios, now the news”. That style, that presentation was not foreign to me. I started reading just like them. When they left the studio, they said, “You go this way”. I waited for a while in a large hall. I was looking around curiously. I used to be the type who was too curious about everything. The floors were covered with something strange, linoleum-like. There was no sound while walking. There were lamps on the thick doors made of wood. The color of the lamps would turn green every now and then and red every now and then. When the lamps turned red, passers-by immediately stopped talking, and they were walking on tiptoe on these tarps, which made no sound anyway. I wished I could see the artists I loved, even if they passed, but I had never come across such a person.
Finally the big door in the middle opened and they asked me to come in. I walked in with trembling hands. Lots of people gathered, looking at me. I was still very young. Like what did I come here for? The handsome man in the white shirt sitting in the middle began to ask; Later, I learned that the handsome man’s name was Turgut Özakman. I read her books with admiration and still often have their ears ringing.
-Are you from college?
-Yes.
-It’s obvious. You have a good voice and a good ear, but the “e”s are clear. Let’s take a look at “self”.
-Own.
-Now say “cat”.
-Cat.
-Well, you’ll be fine if you work hard. Did you take a good look around while sitting outside?
-I looked.
-What was on the ceiling?
-It’s a big chandelier.
-How was it?
It was big but not beautiful.
-So you didn’t like it! What else was in the hall?
-Leather armchairs, a strange linoleum on the floor, wooden doors, lamps that turn green occasionally and sometimes red.
-A strange tarp, huh? Why did they put something like that?
– I guess so that you don’t make any noise while walking.
-What does the red lamp mean?
-When it’s red, people are walking on tiptoe. In any case, it means “shut up”.
Turgut Özakman was laughing. He was laughing, but I was in no mood to laugh. What kind of cocky man was this? Besides, how did he know that I was from College as soon as he looked at me? What kind of questions were these? Were you asked what is in the hall, what is not? I knew I had won, but I was not happy. Was this guy kidding me?
Soon after, “speaker courses” began. Teachers were coming from the conservatory and an intensive curriculum was applied to the speaker candidates. Later, I understood why Turgut Özakman was asking those questions. They measured “spontaneous attention”. An announcer’s spontaneous attention, especially during a live broadcast, had to be very good. On the one hand, the Faculty of Medicine, on the other hand, the radio, my days were always full. I was finally able to sit in front of the microphone. It was a very exciting and enjoyable job.
The following year, TRT Television became operational and this time I started to work there. Television was just being installed in Turkey. Everyone was young, everyone was excited. Nobody knew his job very well, but he was still trying to do his best. I used to go to school in the morning, leave school at five o’clock and immediately run to the television. The broadcast started at 6 pm. Now I take part in almost every program, even if I can find time from school during the day, I would go to the studio for voice-overs or participate in tape-recorded programs. I can’t believe all this, how I grew up then, even now. Medical School was a heavy school. Not every single one of the books stood up from the floor. There was an obligation to continue, but I was still able to cope with it all.
When I got out of school, I would have my books with me because I went straight to the TV. In that apocalypse, if I was free, I would immediately take out my books, say what I learned, make a profit, sit and work. Now I got to know all the artists and became friends with most of them. Since I have always loved Turkish Music, I used to both host and listen to them with pleasure in live broadcasts. I would ask the help of the old masters in order to read those viscous sentences of Turkish Music works correctly, and I would take great pleasure in learning.
The live broadcast scared everyone. There would be malfunctions during the broadcast, the broadcast would be interrupted, and the audience would revolt when they saw the “we apologize for the wait” text. For this reason, they tried to tape the program in advance, especially on the days when the great choir entered the studio under the direction of Muzaffer İlkar. At that time, I knew that the shooting of a one-hour program would not end before five or six hours. Every now and then one of them would come up to me and ask, “Do you really understand what you’re reading in this noise?” I understood because I was used to it. In our house, while my parents were chatting and playing Müzeyyen Senar on the pickup, Mustafa played guns and rifles, Yükselen listened to Western music on the provincial radio in his room, and I studied among all these sounds as if there was nothing natural about it. My mother used to say that “the man who will work will work everywhere, if you give your head to the lesson, you will not hear us anyway”.
I was now a staff officer of TRT. Since I am a broadcaster, I also receive broadcasting compensation, that is, I earn good money, but I could not find time to spend what I earned. The newspapers were talking about me often, and whenever I went out on the street, people would surround me saying, “Oh, that’s the girl on the TV”. Being famous was nice, but it wasn’t always pretty. I didn’t particularly like the fact that the teachers knew me at school because when I couldn’t attend classes regularly, they asked me immediately and my friends couldn’t sign for me every time. School was ending slowly. TRT adopted me very much, and the issue of the end of the school was of interest to them as well. It wasn’t just any school that I finished, I was going to be a big doctor. What if I quit TRT, where would they find someone instead of me now? They put a lot of effort into raising me, they passed seven different courses and seven different exams. Back then, not everyone could easily get to the microphone. That’s why they often asked me about it, saying, “Don’t be in a hurry, at least work for a few more years, and then you’ll leave”. But I was determined. Being an announcer was good, pleasant, exciting, but I had set my heart on another profession.
After school was over, I left TRT immediately. For a while, I took part in music programs that I hosted in order not to disrupt the programs and not to put a government institution I had worked for all these years in a difficult situation, but they said, “You cannot work in two places at the same time” and they made it a country problem. Even in the newspapers, I was offended when news about it started to appear every day. It felt like I was doing something very shameful. Already at that time, I entered Hacettepe Psychiatry Department as an assistant. Even my teacher there, whom I loved and respected very much, said to me, “It’s either TRT or being a doctor, you can’t do both”. And so I just became a doctor. That teacher said to me, “Either being a doctor or being a writer, you can’t do both. You write very well, if I were you, I would only write now.” But this time, I can’t give up on being a doctor, which I have been loving for years.
I got married when I started working at Hacettepe. My wife Aydın and I were already close friends at school. Aydın was a very handsome and charismatic person, but both of our worlds were separate back then. The girls would spin around him and the boys around me. Finally, our worlds came together and we had a pleasant relationship for thirty-four years. He was also a doctor. Especially in the first years, either he or I would have shifts in the hospital, we could not even see each other much. We had two children. I cannot deny the contribution of my beloved mother in the growth of children. Thanks to her, children were not left in the hands of other women. Every evening, after work, we would take the children and go home like that. What good days they were!
Rain was like the most beautiful baby in the world. With her blonde hair and green eyes just like her father, people wouldn’t leave us alone on the road, they always wanted to love Yağmur. He was also a very friendly boy. He would immediately relate to people just like me, he would not alienate anyone, he would be a friend to everyone.
Hassan was not like that. Unlike Yağmur, she had black hair, black eyes, white skin, her eyelashes touched her cheeks, she was beautiful but did not approach people very much, in other words, she was like her father. It still is…
I stayed in Hacettepe for nearly ten years. I had very good days there, and made very good friends. Then my free spirit sought adventure again and I left. I opened my own practice. I just enjoyed taking care of my patients and listening to a different person every day. I was so immersed in myself that I worked in that tiny room until almost midnight without getting bored. I also looked, the children have grown, everything around me has changed a lot. I started to put on the brakes slowly, and it finally occurred to me to chase after my life, which was passing quickly. I was no longer coming to my practice every day, trying to spend more time with myself, my family and friends.
In 2000, my granddaughter Zeynep was born. We all greeted him with great enthusiasm. I started writing in the same year. I thought that I should definitely share what I heard and learned with people, and show them the curtains of secrecy that opened in front of me. Life had an inside and an outward side. If others knew about the “invisible face” I was told, maybe they would make some changes in their own lives, look at the world from a different window, and realize that the curve and the right are not always what they think. I was already very interested in literature, so I enjoyed writing. It was as if I was full during the day, until the evening, and when I was sitting in front of the computer and writing, I was emptied and relaxed.
My first book, “Inside the Medallion”, was published by Remzi Bookstore in 2004. Especially people who are interested in psychiatry, the human spirit and inner worlds showed great interest in the book. The following year, in 2005, I founded the Medalyon Psychiatric Center. I was no longer alone. The number of employees in the center, which was established with a small staff of five people, is approaching one hundred. Hundreds of thousands of people apply to this center every year and we try to help each of them as much as we can. The establishment of the center added a new dimension to my life. In the past, I was trying to serve dozens of people alone. The avalanche growth of this number blew me away. I knew how important psychiatry is, especially today, and I believed wholeheartedly that people’s destinies changed most of the time. Especially in a rapidly changing and developing country like ours, there was a great need for this. Now I had a new goal; helping more people get help…
Moreover, Psychiatry was a special science. It was different from other branches of medicine. It was difficult to give such help in hospital corners, even if the doctor wanted it very much. It required secrecy, attention, time and a lot of care. Sometimes I was terrorizing in the clinic, because I did not want to make the slightest mistake, he was obsessed with things so that everyone who came to the clinic could find what he was looking for and get what he wanted, even if his work was finished, I would still stay in the clinic until midnight. But despite everything, I was very happy.
In 2006, my beloved wife Aydın fell ill. It was as if the world had collapsed on me. Pain and beauty came together. So did we. Those few years went through the darkest days of my life.
Writing was becoming more and more important in my life. After Aydın left this world, the nights were spent writing only. In 2011, my third book, “Back to Life”, was also published by the same publishing house.
My aim when establishing the clinic was to ensure that the same service spread to every corner of the country as soon as possible, but bureaucratic obstacles did not allow this. After great struggles, our Levent branch in Istanbul was opened in February 2013. I said to other provinces.
After a certain age, people’s outlook on life and their dreams change a lot. Especially if you have a job like mine and you see and listen to new people, new lives, new perspectives every day, and if you share a lot of pain, it is impossible not to develop or change. Now, for me to be happy, I need to see that I can make others happy.
I spend more time writing now. I am alone at home, but the clinic is very crowded. I’m already at the clinic until the evening. I come home to write, then to bed. My life has always been spent working. I still work very hard. I am one of those who say that even the smallest contribution to this most magnificent creature in the world, called man, is a sacred duty, a sacred work.
I am working on a new book. Writing a book is very enjoyable for me, but it is not easy. I only like a book after I have written it in at least ten different formats and send it to the publishing house. Meeting people who have read my books wherever I go always makes me very excited and proud. I hope to write more, thanks to the love and support I have received from readers.
With my deepest respect and love…
Dr. Gulseren BUDAYICIOGLU/ 2014
works
Book
- Inside the Coin (Medallion) , A Psychiatrist’s Notebook, 2004, ISBN 9789751409935
- Three Colors Of Sin ,The Other Side of The Medallion,2008, ISBN 9789751412874
- Return The Life, 2011, ISBN 9789751414601
- When The King Loses, 2015, ISBN 9789751416575
- The Girl İn The Window, 2019, ISBN 9786050959628
- Hayatın Sesi, 2022, ISBN 9786258036855
- Kırmızı Pelerin, 2022
Child
- Kral Teo Kitabı, 2018, ISBN 9789752207721
Television Projects Based on Her Works
İstanbullu Gelin- Adapted from the book “Return To Life”. It was broadcast on Star TV between 2017-2019.
Doğduğun Ev Kaderindir-Adapted from the book “The Girl İn The Window”. It was broadcast on TV 8 between 2019-2021.
Kırmızı Oda- Adapted from the book, “Inside the Coin (Medallion) , A Psychiatrist’s Notebook” it was broadcast on TV 8 between 2020-2022.
Masumlar Apartmanı- Adapted from the “Garbage Apartment” Section of the book , “Inside the Coin (Medallion) , A Psychiatrist’s Notebook” , it was broadcast on TV 8 between 2020-2022.
Camdaki Kız- Adapted from the book, “The Girl İn The Window” . It has beenon Kanal D since 2021.
Yalıdaki Çapkın- It started to be broadcast on Star TV in the September 2022 season.
Terzi- Adapted from the book “Return To Life”.It will begin streaming on Netflix in 2023.
All her books and projects have been translated into their own languages in every country.
I was born in Ankara as the first child of a family of three children. My father was handsome, affectionate, authoritative, and very fond of his clothes. Even in the middle of winter, when everything turns into a muddy sea, his shoes are sparkling, he puts on his black coat and black fedora in the mornings, kisses us all one by one, and leaves the house like that. My mother would definitely send him off at the door and would not let my father out of the house without saying, “May God bless you”. At that time, we used to live in the Cebeci district of Ankara, right across from the Faculty of Political Sciences. I don’t know why, all the kids in the neighborhood were afraid of my father, but behind his appearance he had a very soft heart.
