Children Are Afraid Adults Too

“This young, beautiful and excited woman has been unable to talk to strangers for some reason lately and has been afraid that she will start to stutter. I don’t know where this fear came from. This world fear and excitement gradually formed an important part of the personalities in our family, although it manifested itself in other forms to me and to all my siblings. In the first days when I had to enter the studio, I was inherited from my mother, who always had a beautiful smile and was too fussy, to suddenly lose my voice, to be paralyzed in my sleep at night, and to have great fears that made me want to escape when I went on stage.” (Livaneli)

Fear is transmitted, transmitted… Shakespeare, on the other hand, conveys his thoughts on fear as follows: Most people are afraid of loving because they are afraid of losing. Afraid to think, because it will bring responsibility… Afraid to speak, afraid to be criticized… Afraid of getting old, not knowing the value of youth… Afraid of being forgotten, not giving anything good to the world… and afraid of dying, not knowing how to actually live…

We are all afraid of everything we do not know. We are afraid because our fears protect us from this unfamiliar situation. Fears, in other words, are defense tools ready to protect us.

If you start talking about my fears, what kind of fears come to your mind? My first fear is the fear of thieves. I don’t remember what age I was, but I must have been over 5 years old as far as I can remember. The bedroom we used with my brother Compassion was the room right next to the guest entrance door, and opposite the door of our room were hangers for the coats or jackets of the guests (they are still in the hall of Haznedar Kindergarten). My father used to hang his coat and hat there when he came home. When I woke up in the middle of the night, a man was looking at me right where the hangers were. I’m screaming, I don’t make a sound, I want to move and wake the Compassion, I can’t move, I remember being covered in sweat. I don’t remember how I called my father, he came running to me. I told him that someone was walking around the hall, he took my hand and turned on the lights. There was no one, and then we realized that I had made my father’s coat and hat look like a man in my sleepy state.

Childhood fears are a natural part of child development and a functional mechanism that provides protection from external dangers… For many parents, the fears seen in children may not mean anything. But for children, the fear of ghosts, the fear of the dark, the fear of loud noises, the fear of thieves are real and frightening to him. A child who does not show any signs of fear until about the age of two may begin to fear the neighbor’s dog or barking, going into the bathroom, or loud noises on his second birthday.

Fears are like the footsteps of the future of a danger, the child understands this and reveals fear behaviors in the name of self-protection. Science says that the mind comes into play from the moment we start to fear… Fears are experienced most intensely by children between the ages of 2-6. The world is new to them and ready to be explored. During this exploration, the stranger frequently encounters unfamiliar and unfamiliar stimuli, in such cases fear behavior emerges for protection. As children grow and develop, their knowledge of what is going on in the world expands, their cognitive abilities and emotional development progress, they can more easily cope with their fears. According to the developmental periods, certain fears occur at certain ages and disappear in the natural development process. Studies show that 90% of children are afraid of something at some point in their development.

How can we handle our children’s fears?

• We should definitely investigate the cause of the child’s fears and try to eliminate the reasons.
• Based on the fact that everyone has fears, the child who says he or she is afraid should never be mocked or belittled (Is a man afraid? You’ve grown up but you are still afraid, there is nothing to be afraid of) and we should not ignore their fears.
• Being patient and understanding and giving time is the most valid approach.
• Physical contact comforts them when they are afraid. Touch, hug and help her deal with her fear.
• When the child expresses fear, listen and try to understand. Seeing that he is not judged or criticized because of his fears, the child will feel understood and relieved.

While fears are natural and developmental, it is emphasized by many scientists that we cannot be liberated and experience our true emotions without getting rid of them. Known childhood fears come under control over time, change, and some may change shape and continue to exist in adulthood.

What is known is that:

When fear ends or we begin to control fear, we begin to see the color of hope and life. While browsing the internet for articles about fear, I came across the following story. I wanted to share with you.

“A wise man was sitting on the edge of the lake he always went to in the evening, watching the still water of the lake and evaluating his day. In the meantime, a dog came running to the lakeside and bent down to drink water, and while drinking it, he was afraid of the reflection in the water, and he stepped back from the lake and watched the water from afar for a while. Bilge realized that the dog perceived the reflection he saw in the lake as a creature that would harm himself and was waiting for him to leave. The dog came to the lake’s edge a few more times, tried to drink, and after retreating, with one last courage, jumped over the place where he saw the creature, entered the lake and drank its water. Then he disappeared from the lake with the joy of success.

The wise man began to think about what he saw and came to the following conclusions:

• It is our fears that prevent us from achieving what we most need.
• By recognizing fears, knowing their functions and confronting them, we can overcome the obstacles between us and life and move on. We can get the nourishment we need from life.”

Resources:

Koknel O. (1990): Fears, Obsessions, Obsessions. Altın Kitaplar Publishing House, Istanbul

Köroğlu, E. (2006): Our Anxiety, Our Fears. Physicians Publishing Union, Ankara