Psy. Nagihan KUTLU

Depression is a psychiatric disorder where individuals feel unhappy, pessimistic, worthless, guilty, and hopeless. It can be accompanied by sleep and appetite problems, fatigue, and a lack of sexual desire. People experiencing depression find it difficult to derive pleasure from life, feel disinterested even in activities they used to enjoy, and may also exhibit slowed movements and self-care issues, along with attention and memory problems. In advanced stages of depression, individuals may lose their functionality, struggle to carry on with daily tasks, and thoughts and actions related to suicide may arise. Read more

All of us from time to time “I acted like a child”, “I lost myself and I don’t understand how”, “when I remember it now, it was so ridiculous, how did I do it?” We have formed sentences such as: These sentences have a common feature; Emotions are quite intense and logic is quite in the background. So our kid mods! (our sides)

We don’t feel like full grown-ups when we’re in child modes. These modes arise when the person thinks that their needs are not taken into account.

To recognize the child modes in adults, let’s first remember the children around us. You know children; She jumps when she’s happy and cries when she’s sad. Therefore, they experience every emotion intensely and their logical thinking skills are lower. So what if adults act in child modes? They cannot solve problems just like a child and they feel uncomfortable emotions intensely. So by recognizing some of the child modes within adults and where they come from, we can soothe and feel better about our child parts from the healthy adult perspective.

First, let’s remember and send our minds to the past. What would you do when faced with an undesirable situation as a child? Would you cry, yell and get angry, or would you impulsively want what you wanted right away? The way we behave as children may appear as the distinctive child mode in our adult lives.

1-Injured Child Mode

The hurt child mode may emerge in adult life as a result of a childhood that has been abandoned, left out, made to feel worthless and unloved, witnessed the death of relatives, and important emotional needs such as love and trust are not met during childhood and adolescence. The mode that goes along with embarrassment, loneliness, fear, unhappiness and painful emotions as a child is the “hurt child mode”. In adult life, it is manifested by feelings of worthlessness and unloved, lack of trust, and concerns about rejection or abandonment.

How do we know when we’ve entered the hurt child mode? For example, you quickly and intensely felt worthless, insignificant, and rejected when your friend who you invited to the movies stated that they couldn’t come, and you interpreted this as being unwanted by your friend. That’s it, hurt kid mode! While in this mode, you may be tempted to misinterpret the fact that it may be your friend’s work, and misinterpret it as your own worthlessness, by failing to judge reality logically at the moment.

2-Furious Kid Mode

In the center, there are intense emotions such as anger, anger, rage. The person expresses his needs in an inappropriate and uncontrolled way. While anger is a normal emotion, it can be difficult to control anger and be rational when you’re in angry kid mode. Defeating one’s right, feeling unimportant and worthless, etc. As a result of emotions, they may lose control by reacting with intense anger.

3-Impulsive Kids Mode

In the impulsive child mode, the urge to have something or absolutely want to do something is at the forefront. When the person is in the impulsive child mode, he may have difficulty controlling himself, similar to the angry child mode, and succumb to his pleasures and desires. He does not know his limits in terms of responsibility and discipline. For example, the impulsive child in him may cause him to spend more even though he has a lot of debt.

So what are we gonna do?

You must first recognize and name the child modes within you. When you feel intense and uncomfortable emotions, ask, “What mood am I in now, what am I feeling, how is my body, where did I learn these emotions as a child?” You should watch yourself before you react by asking questions such as: Thus, you can learn to control yourself by watching yourself from behind the scenes, away from being a theater actor whose emotions are intensely experienced on stage.

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Ps. Nagihan KUTLU

“Learning to experience and tolerate deep emotions is essential for healing from trauma” (Body Keeps Records, Bessel A. Van Der Kolk).

Trauma can be expressed as any kind of experience that harms a person’s mental and physical health. Therefore, sometimes trauma is a sudden and unexpected fear, sadness, and painful event; and sometimes it can be considered as the experiences that result from growing up with parents where emotional needs such as love and trust are not met in childhood.

So, do these traumas stay in the period and lose their effect?

Sometimes it can be thought that the traumatized person is buried and forgotten due to defense mechanisms, but it continues to affect the person by changing shape in adult life. Thus, it can continue to affect the person’s life negatively. Because our repressed trauma and negative experiences are recorded by the body.

Even though many years have passed, people who have experienced trauma have difficulty in expressing what has happened. However, their bodies keep a very fresh record of the fear, anger, and helplessness they experience, and even the smallest trigger that reminds them of the trauma, the memory can be rekindled.

When it cannot be expressed, the trauma is not processed in the brain. As a result, disturbing images return as flashbacks and nightmares. Although many years have passed since the trauma experience; Untreated trauma seizes brain activation on the first day of the event.

When traumatized people remember a negative event from the past, the right side of their brain responsible for emotions is active and alive, as if the event were happening again at that moment.

However, the left side of the brain, which is responsible for logic and reasoning skills, is rather passive. While the person feels intense and painful emotions at that moment, they are not aware of the intense emotions felt due to trauma. He may be insufficient to solve the problem he is experiencing in the present. As a result, they may feel the same intensity again in situations that remind trauma such as fear and pain in the face of the trigger.

For example, someone who had a car accident in childhood may still experience panic and fear, even if they know how to drive when they get into a car in their future life. Or someone who has been sexually abused in childhood may have problems with their sexual experience in adult life.

Because these traumas are not processed. That is, because it was not expressed and treated, it was not recorded by the brain as a memory. As a result, it persists in the present tense. Thus, any trigger (reminder) that reminds of the trauma can cause the person to re-feel the emotion they felt in the negative experience they had in the past. In untreated traumas, the body registers the threat and stress hormones are always active as danger alarms are constantly ringing in the person’s brain. Therefore, even if the trauma has been experienced in the past, it causes the person to live in constant fear and anxiety in their current life.

Sometimes people resort to negative coping methods such as drugs, alcohol, or overeating to reduce the painful experience in their current life, but this only temporarily reduces their unbearable feelings. Because as long as the emotions are suppressed, the BODY CONTINUES TO REGISTER!”

When it cannot be expressed, it stays active in the brain like the first day, even though years have passed since the trauma.

As a result of the unexpressed suppression of traumas;

disturbing images, flashbacks, nightmares,

Diseases not of physiological origin,

aches,

Sudden startle, uneasiness, restlessness,

Difficulty concentrating, sleeping

Continuing to live in your present life and body by changing shape as intense anxiety, panic and anger.

For this reason, traumas should be treated with professional support.

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Ps. Nagihan KUTLU